Let Go and Be Free

by Shervin on August 13, 2017

We all have heard that to let go and be free.

Sometimes we let go when we are tired of holding on and we realize that holding on only is creating more suffering.

Letting go does not mean giving up hope. It means acknowledging our current pain and suffering does not help our situation and the situation is beyond our control.

Letting go sometimes means accepting the “worst case” scenario and doing our best effort based on what we can change. This does not mean to think of worst case. This means we let go of worry and fear of the worst case happening constantly and focusing what we actually can do (being present).

Before we let go, sometimes we may feel that something within us is dying. After all we do not like to let go of a person we love or an ideal we have desired for so long.

As we let go, all of sudden peace and ease overcome us. All the burdens, all the stress, all the controls and all the responsibilities of holding on to something that we have a minimum control is released. With letting go we are no longer hostage to our worst case fears.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Loving and connecting with yourself

by Shervin on July 30, 2017

What is one effective way to love and connect with yourself?

In my experience, it is acknowledgement of what we feel is the key. It is generally OK to share and express our happiness.  Therefore, I will focus on our repressed emotions which is not cool to share or acknowledge.

It is about acknowledging our loneliness, fear and pain that we are feeling. It is acknowledgement without judging, blaming, analyzing or trying fixing it.

Acknowledgement is like listening to a part of you that desperately, for many years, wants to be heard and noticed. It is the same acknowledgement we show to our best friend or our pet when they are hurting. We are to listen and be present for them.

How do we know what is repressed?

Be on lookout for repressed emotion by:

– Observing who triggers you and why?

– Observing the pain and tension in your body and going back to your thoughts prior to the pain

Be open to share your observation and feelings with a friend or a therapist or a good coach.

As you acknowledge old and repressed emotions, they will be released.  You may shed intense tears or release the emotions through heat in your body or many other ways. You may have never noticed or expressed or acknowledged the pain within before, be gentle and brave and let it come out.

After such a release, you will feel much lighter because a heavy emotional weight has been lifted. You also have connected with part of you that needed your attention. Finally, you know yourself by knowing your deepest and most sacred desires (your hurts point to them) and that is part of loving yourself.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

 

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How to Love Yourself More?

by Shervin on July 17, 2017

Why is that we may love and respect others more than ourselves? Why is it that we are kinder and gentler with others than ourselves?

Although typically we are harder on ourselves, this does not answer the above question.

Have you met someone who appears to be “perfect” and you do not like them because they do not come across real? Have you met someone who has many flaws and you connect with them because they come across real?

Why do you not treat yourself with love, respect and kindness?  Perhaps you see through your own facade that you are putting up to be liked or are pretending to be somebody that you are not. Perhaps you hide and ignore your feelings and vulnerabilities. Perhaps you do not like dishonesty and do not like to hide. Maybe you want to love the real you with all the beauty and flaws without fear and shame.

The big question is how to love and respect yourself more?

As you become honest with yourself regarding your feelings, be it anger, hurt, fear or love you will appreciate and respect yourself more for your honesty, vulnerability and courage.

As you find and acknowledge your true passions and things that you do not care about, you will acknowledge and love yourself more.

Finally, as you become comfortable in your imperfect body, and you do not choose to be anyone but yourself despite your flaws and shortcomings, you will be on path of loving  and respecting yourself more.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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The Patient’s House-mates

by Shervin on July 3, 2017

The patient is living with her house-mates, in a secure, big, fancy yellow house.

The care-givers are mostly from Africa, kind, tough, passionate and greeting each other with hugs and kisses.

Danny, the cat, is keeping calm in the chaotic house as an under-cover healer.

The occupants, those who cannot walk, collectively sitting in a room watching sitcoms. Nobody is laughing.

Mornings are the best of times. After a good rest, breakfast, fresh drugs and everyone is dozing off.

Worst of times are around 4 PM. The ghost of fear and anxiety awakens everyone.

The house-mates all have their own unique reaction. Some fighting their reality, some creating their own, some have surrendered and some have already checked out, occasionally visiting their feeble bodies for food and medication.

There is the woman with a dark hair and piercing eyes whose mission is to close all the open doors all day long. Yet never seen at the dining table.

The fragile woman sitting crooked in her wheel chair, amazingly eating her food on her own like a little bird. When nobody is around, she is chewing on her tiny pillow (her back support) to keep nurtured.

Around 4 PM, the white-haired woman with puffy green eyes screaming loudly “Take me home. They are waiting for me”, can be heard in every corner of big yellow house. It takes 20 minutes to have medication kick in.

The patient, agitated by all the noise and screams. Saying, “Enough is enough. Don’t they understand how to be quiet?”. Calmed down only by smile and touches of her caregivers.

Nancy, soft spoken angel like face who sits quietly in her wheel chair for hours. Softly arguing, “I ate too much at breakfast, I cannot eat now”.

The younger guy who still is fighting the system, pacing back and forth from his dinner table to the phone on the wall next to the elevator. Pressing some buttons on the phone, but nobody is answering on the other end. Disappointed, he leaves the phone off the hook and walks back to table to have a bite of food and try calling again.

The old man, frozen like a tall statue, in a wheel chair, must be well-to-do, mostly with a private nurse. Following the orders: open your mouth, chew, stay here. Hearing the nurse complementing him, “you eat well.”

The scary big man, on a walker, screaming “Please pray. Pray for my sister, she is not well; they took her to hospital”. Perhaps he is referring to his house-mate who ambulance took earlier that morning. Not clear if she is his sister or not.

The caregivers, trying to be strong and patient. Repeating words like, “sit please”, “come here”, “do you want a cookie?”

The old man, telling his new visitor that he likes it here. Stating that he only stays here on weekdays. The new visitor grins as he looks away.

The old woman, smiling back at the stranger when he smiled at her. Thinking for a moment that perhaps she is not forgotten after all.

The patient hugging the smiling caregiver, putting her head over care-giver’s chest like a child who just found her lost mother, and does not want to let go of her mother. After a while, on separation, they look at each other and tell each other “I love you.”

The woman in a wheel chair, in her large private suite, with picture of many smiling family members on her door, using her legs to move around the corridors in her wheelchair. It does not seem she has found what she was looking for yet.

The patient, pointing at the younger caregiver in the hallway, saying with an accent “you are my daughter”. Care giver smiles and replies, “you are my mama.”

All the man and woman, once were powerful mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, brothers or sisters. Now they are in a different world and reality. No matter how scary it may seem, at least it is safest and most predicable part of their lives. The community, the occasional visitors with their latte, the regular cookies to calm nerves, occasional hugs and kisses, the  4 PM screams and the familiar blank faces.

 

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Does it Really Matter?

by Shervin on June 18, 2017

You may be feeling overwhelmed and stuck. Your mind may be racing and you are not able to focus during the day or sleep at night.

How can you manage this challenging situation?

One needs to re-focus on the big picture.

List all the issues that are bothering you.

Assume that your life ends in six months.

Which of those issues are important if you had six months to live?

Which issues you need to pay more attention which you are not currently paying attention to?

Do you feel any different as the result of this exercise? Is your focus different now?

Sometimes when we are in our head and we are in state of fight or flight, we may feel like a victim and very confused and stuck.

Focusing on what is really important and things that still matter in six months or more are pointers to refining our focus and attention. By doing so, you may realize that other issues that were bothering you are now less severe, and perhaps you have no control over them.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Take My Pain Away

by Shervin on June 5, 2017

Sometimes we want our emotional pain such as grief, betrayal or fear to be taken away by the Universe and we wonder why it is not so. As a result, we may feel disappointed and discouraged.

If you have dealt with children, there are times that children need to learn to walk or ride a bike.  It is not easy to watch them fall down and experience pain. This does not mean that we do not love them. Actually we love them enough to allow them to learn and grow. As parents, family or friends, we are next to them supporting them in their journey.

The emotional pain that you are experiencing maybe similar to emotional pain of a child learning to walk as he/she falls down. At first, it may feel awkward, scary and overwhelming. With time, as we learn and grow the pain diminishes.

You most likely have people around you, who like parents, cannot take your emotional pain away and yet are supporting you on your journey. Take a note of family, old and new friends and strangers who are showing up in your life to bless and support you in your precious journey.

Remember, you are loved and you are not alone.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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I Have No Choice

by Shervin on May 22, 2017

How do you react to a situation that you want it to change and you feel you cannot do it?  What is your internal dialogue?

You are unhappy in your current job and feel a lot of stress. What do you say to yourself? “I am stuck at this job. I have to pay the bills. I have no choice.”

You are unhappy with traffic in your city. What do you say to yourself? “I am stuck here because of my kid’s school, I hate it and I have no choice.”

What areas of your life do you feel you do not have any choices? What areas of your life do you feel you have some choices?

In reality, we all have choices and we may not like consequences of some of our choices such as uncertainty of moving or changing jobs.

You are not stuck with no choice. You most likely have choices. You may not like the consequence of some of your choices.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Prayer

by Shervin on May 8, 2017

What is a prayer? How do you communicate and connect with the Universe?  What language do you use? What makes a prayer more effective?

I am contrasting two approaches to praying in this article.

Imagine image of someone praying by verbally begging in despair for something with the energy of helpless-ness and lack.

Another image can be a time travel (visualization) to the desired outcome and savoring and enjoying what is desired and welcoming it with gratitude.

Which one is more uplifting and takes care of your needs? Which one makes you feel more connected with the Universe? Which one creates more gratitude in you?

In one instance, we may feel separate from the Universe and waiting for a magic to happen.

In the other instance, we are co-creating with the Universe and experiencing the reality we desire. There is no ambiguity or misunderstanding in what we desire (no words). The language of our prayer is energy, visualization and associated feelings which by-passes our controlling mind.

Next time, instead of thinking of someone sick (typically sending lots of sadness toward them) and praying by begging for healing;  connect with the Universe, visualize that person healthy and visualize you are interacting with them in a joyful manner. Magnify the feeling of joy and gratitude in that visualization as already is happening.

Next time, instead of verbally asking for success for your project, visualize and feel that success is already happening, be grateful and feel your joy in that situation for one or two minutes.

Prayer can be exciting, connecting, uplifting and empowering.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Feeling Vs Being

by Shervin on April 24, 2017

For many us, including myself, our known and safe world is changing rapidly. Many of our hidden fears are coming to surface to be resolved and we may feel overwhelmed due to them. The good news is that in middle of what appears to be very chaotic, we can have a positive impact.

It is important to express how you feel and keep a boundary between who you are with what you are feeling.

When I say, “I am sad” I am stating a state of permanent being which I am re-enforcing with my word and associated emotion. When I say “I feel sad” I am expressing and acknowledging my feeling. If you repeat the words “I am sad” and “I feel sad” they have a different energy.

Next time, when you are alone or talking with a friend instead of saying:

– I am sad
– I am tired
– I am a failure
– I am not lovable

Say:

– I feel sad
– I feel tired
– I feel like a failure
– I feel not loved

It is OK to feel sad, angry, tired, worthless and as a failure. This is part of our human experience. These feelings are indicators of what we desire and expressing them are part of path to our emotional and spiritual growth.

Feel those feelings lovingly without judgement. Listen to them as a caring parent listens to a child that needs to be heard and acknowledged.

Remember, you are much more than what you feel. Do not confuse your feelings with state of your being.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Less Agitation and More Life Experience

by Shervin on April 9, 2017

What are our biggest sources of resistance and agitation?

In my experience, it is my attachment to my old beliefs that are not rooted in the truth and reality.

Our beliefs can bring us joy and at the same time attachment to our old beliefs can bring us heartache and agitation. When we form a belief it may have a purpose at first. However, being attached to that belief and associated expectation after ten or thirty years will not allow us to experience our life fully.

In order to sustain our beliefs, we have to feed them. Therefore we fed them with data points and expectations to re-enforce them. Also as part of the Universal love, beliefs that are not serving us any longer will come to surface in form of agitation and dis-harmony to be changed.

Let me discuss two example of beliefs:

– If I believe that life is beautiful, I look for beautiful things to re-enforce my belief and will ignore contrary data.

– If I believe somebody is a jerk, I look for all signs to prove my point and will not look for anything positive in that person.

The issue with both types of beliefs is that we have made a generalized judgment and we have become hardened and biased to have certain expectation and will not experience anything different that is offered to us.

What do need to do to have less agitation and more life experiences?

The best way is not to come to a generalized conclusion, always be present and be open to new information irrespective of our beliefs.

For example let us take the last two beliefs:

“Life is beautiful” is generalization and a belief.
“What I am experiencing today is beautiful to me” is a present fact.

“He is a jerk” is generalization and a belief.
“He is yelling, I do not like it. I wonder what is bothering him” is a present fact.

In my experience when I am present with reality I do not suffer and when I am pushing a narrative that I want to be correct about, I suffer.

What beliefs can you change to have less agitation and more life experience?

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Answer Within You

by Shervin on March 26, 2017

You probably have heard the phrase “the answer is within you.”

It is comforting to know that we all have the answer within us. Also, it is frustrating if we do not hear the answer clearly. How do we tap into the answers within?

We typically have answers to other people’s problems and we are generous to share the solution with them, if asked. We can use the same technique and process to find the answer within.

Put yourself in a relaxed and meditative state and pretend someone asking you the following question: “What advice would you give to <choose a name> if he/she was in the same situation as yourself?”

You will be surprised how understanding, wise and loving your answer is. That is the answer from within. Listen and follow wisdom of your own answer.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Love Language

by Shervin on March 12, 2017

We all have a different impression of what love should look like and that definition evolves as we grow and learn from our experiences. Gary Chapman author of the Five Love Languages suggests that affirmations, quality time, gifts, service and physical touch are five ways we feel loved. It is also suggested each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Typically people give love the way they want to receive it.

There are many times that two people may not have the same primary or secondary love language. For example, one person may expect “gift giving” as primary sign of love, while the other may expect “quality time” as primary sign of love.

It is possible two people give love their own way and none of them feel loved enough and both become frustrated and disconnected.

What can be done to have a more fulfilling relationship?

  1. Find out your own love language
  2. Find out your partner’s love language
  3. Give love the way your partner expects
  4. Communicate often about each other’s needs and expectations

 

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Keep Shining Everyday!

by Shervin on February 26, 2017

Have you observed people who keep their cars shiny and clean? Do they clean their cars once a month or more often?  Do they keep their cars away from tree saps?

Those people know that dirt is everywhere and it is normal that their cars get dirty and lose its shine. They have a process for keeping their car shiny regularly. They also avoid parking near trees with sticking saps.

Making our car stay shiny is similar to keeping our energy up every day. The dirt on our cars correspond to our unconscious negative talks and our environment that dulls our shine. The tree saps are negative people whose energy can stick to us.

To maintain our spiritual shine we need to do maintenance on ourselves daily. This means being pro-active and being loving toward our energetic and emotional well-being as a priority, by regularly observing our thoughts and words, eating well, exercising, connecting to nature and choosing who we have in our company.

Keep shining!

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Ordering From Menu

by Shervin on February 13, 2017

If you are hungry and go to your favorite restaurant, how will your order your food?  Will you tell  the waitress: “I do not want to eat hamburger, I got sick when I ate one last year in an airport” “I do not want spaghetti it gave me hurt burn in restaurant across from you”  “I do not like pies I once choked on a big piece when I was three”  and so on …

If you said yes, I have to ask you if you are really serious about eating and why you have not ordered anything yet.

The above scenario happens for many of us in the restaurant of life. How many times while we desire a change in our lives, we make a list of what we do not want?  What is the reason that we do not express what we desire clearly? We all have free will. Universe only gives us what we desire (the first step is to verbalize it).

What we desire in our lives is like ordering from a menu in a restaurant. Ask for what you desire rather than what you do not want. It is more rewarding and more enjoyable to visualize and create a yummy feeling of what you desire than what you do not want.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Birthday Gift

by Shervin on January 28, 2017

My birthday was approaching and I was thinking of what I wanted as a present if the Universe could give me anything I wished? It was not what I was expecting.

Image of my parents holding me and smiling at me appeared. I became overwhelmed emotionally. I cried for a while. I pondered about this issue for several days.

I realized that I was seeking unconditional love and safety from my parents who physically can no longer provide. I then concluded that needed to become my own parents to grant my wish.

I asked myself what can I do to feel safe and loved 24 hours a day?

I realized my own thoughts are the biggest source of my fear, worry and unease. I also realized nobody can manage or protect me from my thoughts better than myself.

On my birthday, I wish to unconditionally love myself and feel safe by letting go of thoughts and beliefs that are terrorizing me – something any loving parent would do.

What present do you desire for your birthday?

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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How Is It Serving You?

by Shervin on January 16, 2017

Everything serves us until we let it go.

If you are struggling with something that is frustrating you (weight, next dream project, relationship), most likely the struggle is between your thoughts and you emotions. You likely know what are the right things to do and yet you may be sabotaging your effort regarding taking the next steps. The next steps can be as simple as planning your dinner, posting a blog, or making a phone call.

If you are frustrated with your progress you need to look at two factors:

1- What do you believe about yourself?

2- What are you trying not to feel (a form of protection?)

Just know that you are doing the best things based on your beliefs and desires not to feel. Your subconscious is helping you to get what you want. Your wishes are granted.

If ‘not being rejected’ has higher priority than getting what you desire, the best way that your subconscious can help and protect you is to sabotage the effort.  Therefore, your subconscious makes sure that you do not make the phone call or plan the dinner on time.

If you are ‘sabotaging’ your success, you need to find out what are you protecting yourself from based on the belief you have about the subject.

For example, Let us assume you are upset that you do not socialize enough and are frustrated about it. But if you believe people do not like you and you do not like to be rejected or criticized, then it is natural way of protection for you is not to show up in life. To remedy this situation is to accept that rejection is part of the process (welcome it) and change the belief that people do not like you.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

 

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Make it Matter!

by Shervin on January 1, 2017

If you could go back in time 1, 5, 10, 20 years and talk to your younger self, will your younger self benefit from your life lessons and your wisdom?

If yes, how would your life would have changed?  For better?

You may not be able to go back and change your life from years ago, but you can help others learn and enjoy a better life today. You can share your experiences and lessons with those who are dealing with the similar issues. You do not have to wait to become a ‘perfect’ person before you start this. Your imperfect but authentic you with your unique gifts can help and inspire others.

Your audience are friends, family, co-workers, strangers who you were in their shoes 1, 2, 10 or 20 years ago. Be authentic and you are definitely an expert by experience on the subject.

Make it matter!

 

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Pink Elephant

by Shervin on December 19, 2016

On Sunday, I woke up at 3 AM in the morning. I was consumed with a deep anger. It was very intense and I felt I was losing control. Under my anger was feeling that I was rejected and abandoned.  The feeling was overwhelming and it was suffocating me.  I asked my guides to take away my anger. It did not seem to work.  I just wanted it to go away and to be calm so I can sleep again.

After a long ten minutes, I gave up asking for it to go away. I used another approach. I started acknowledging causes of my anger: hurt and abandonment. I listened to feeling of hurt and abandonment talking to me. Initially I felt very vulnerable and weak (judgement about those feelings). After five minutes, and some tears I felt lighter, calmer and liberated.

That morning I shared with my coach (we take turn coaching each other) my experience I had earlier that morning. He made an insightful comment, “It is interesting that you were upset about being rejected while you at first were rejecting your own feeling about being rejected.”

All of sudden, I starting laughing out loud. Then he started laughing. We laughed, as if we have heard the funniest joke ever. Perhaps we had! Our laughing lasted for two minutes. I had not laughed like that for about 45 years since I was a teenager.

I was reminded again that when we are very upset about something hurtful done by others, we need to look at ourselves first to see if we are doing a similar thing which we can control. That means being aware, being honest with ourselves, being vulnerable and being courageous in acknowledging the big pink elephant in front of us.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Why?

by Shervin on December 5, 2016

Most people want all the nice things such as good relationship, happiness, spirituality, fit body, great finances but are not committed to deal with challenges and associated sacrifice to get what they want. For most part we have to earn what we desire and nothing valuable is free.

For example, most people want to be fit. If everyone wants to be fit why not everyone is not fit?

There are two issues involved here:

1-      What we say we want as a top priority, is not really one of our true wants. The ‘why’ to what we desire does not really excite us and most likely is like a chore to us.

2-      We are not committed to pain of sacrifice and discipline required to get what we desire.

Yes I am talking about pain and sacrifice. Pain of getting up and going to gym while you want to sleep longer. Pain of doing ten more push-ups when you are tired. Pain of saying no to extra piece of beautiful looking cookie which is also free. Pain of challenging your self-talk constantly that is encouraging you to take the easy way out.

That is why important we know the ‘why’ we are doing something and if that something is what we really want. Because when the associated challenge/pain for what we want kicks in, your ‘why’ has to be much bigger than the pain associated with challenge for us to be successful.

Look at things you have planned for your life or striving for every day. Why you want those? Are there strong enough ‘why’ for those? If not, change to what you really want or find a stronger ‘why’.

Be aware that you be challenged by pain on path to what you desire and your strong and deeply felt ‘why’ keeps you on the course to fulfilling your dreams.

“I have to do it”, “Everyone else does same thing”, “I have to prove that I am worthy”, “This does not make me feel stressed”, “I do not know”, are not strong ‘why’ to withstand distractions and serious challenges to our dreams and wants.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Three Months to Live.

by Shervin on November 20, 2016

What would you do differently if you were told that you had three months to live and you had enough money to spend on whatever you wanted?
I took a class two weeks ago, and as part of the class I had to answer that question.
I wrote:
I am going to quit my job right away (not a surprise). I am going to visit my loved ones. I will travel for a month or two, if I am healthy enough to travel, with people who I love and enjoy their company. Most importantly I will tell my loved ones how much they have meant to me.
After contemplating about my answer, I realized that close connection with my loved ones and telling them how much I love them was very important to me.
I also realized that I used my death as permission to do what was so dear in my heart. The logic did not make sense! I could do most of what I wrote without needing to die in three months!!
I could take trips with my loved ones (maybe not as lavish) and look into eyes of people that I love and tell them how much they mean to me. Why wait for death? What if my death comes suddenly?
I suggest that you do the exercise that I did. You may find out more clearly what is truly important to you. You may also like, I, decide to incorporate those wishes and act on them today.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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