Feeling Vs Being

by Shervin on April 24, 2017

For many us, including myself, our known and safe world is changing rapidly. Many of our hidden fears are coming to surface to be resolved and we may feel overwhelmed due to them. The good news is that in middle of what appears to be very chaotic, we can have a positive impact.

It is important to express how you feel and keep a boundary between who you are with what you are feeling.

When I say, “I am sad” I am stating a state of permanent being which I am re-enforcing with my word and associated emotion. When I say “I feel sad” I am expressing and acknowledging my feeling. If you repeat the words “I am sad” and “I feel sad” they have a different energy.

Next time, when you are alone or talking with a friend instead of saying:

– I am sad
– I am tired
– I am a failure
– I am not lovable

Say:

– I feel sad
– I feel tired
– I feel like a failure
– I feel not loved

It is OK to feel sad, angry, tired, worthless and as a failure. This is part of our human experience. These feelings are indicators of what we desire and expressing them are part of path to our emotional and spiritual growth.

Feel those feelings lovingly without judgement. Listen to them as a caring parent listens to a child that needs to be heard and acknowledged.

Remember, you are much more than what you feel. Do not confuse your feelings with state of your being.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Less Agitation and More Life Experience

by Shervin on April 9, 2017

What are our biggest sources of resistance and agitation?

In my experience, it is my attachment to my old beliefs that are not rooted in the truth and reality.

Our beliefs can bring us joy and at the same time attachment to our old beliefs can bring us heartache and agitation. When we form a belief it may have a purpose at first. However, being attached to that belief and associated expectation after ten or thirty years will not allow us to experience our life fully.

In order to sustain our beliefs, we have to feed them. Therefore we fed them with data points and expectations to re-enforce them. Also as part of the Universal love, beliefs that are not serving us any longer will come to surface in form of agitation and dis-harmony to be changed.

Let me discuss two example of beliefs:

– If I believe that life is beautiful, I look for beautiful things to re-enforce my belief and will ignore contrary data.

– If I believe somebody is a jerk, I look for all signs to prove my point and will not look for anything positive in that person.

The issue with both types of beliefs is that we have made a generalized judgment and we have become hardened and biased to have certain expectation and will not experience anything different that is offered to us.

What do need to do to have less agitation and more life experiences?

The best way is not to come to a generalized conclusion, always be present and be open to new information irrespective of our beliefs.

For example let us take the last two beliefs:

“Life is beautiful” is generalization and a belief.
“What I am experiencing today is beautiful to me” is a present fact.

“He is a jerk” is generalization and a belief.
“He is yelling, I do not like it. I wonder what is bothering him” is a present fact.

In my experience when I am present with reality I do not suffer and when I am pushing a narrative that I want to be correct about, I suffer.

What beliefs can you change to have less agitation and more life experience?

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Answer Within You

by Shervin on March 26, 2017

You probably have heard the phrase “the answer is within you.”

It is comforting to know that we all have the answer within us. Also, it is frustrating if we do not hear the answer clearly. How do we tap into the answers within?

We typically have answers to other people’s problems and we are generous to share the solution with them, if asked. We can use the same technique and process to find the answer within.

Put yourself in a relaxed and meditative state and pretend someone asking you the following question: “What advice would you give to <choose a name> if he/she was in the same situation as yourself?”

You will be surprised how understanding, wise and loving your answer is. That is the answer from within. Listen and follow wisdom of your own answer.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Love Language

by Shervin on March 12, 2017

We all have a different impression of what love should look like and that definition evolves as we grow and learn from our experiences. Gary Chapman author of the Five Love Languages suggests that affirmations, quality time, gifts, service and physical touch are five ways we feel loved. It is also suggested each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Typically people give love the way they want to receive it.

There are many times that two people may not have the same primary or secondary love language. For example, one person may expect “gift giving” as primary sign of love, while the other may expect “quality time” as primary sign of love.

It is possible two people give love their own way and none of them feel loved enough and both become frustrated and disconnected.

What can be done to have a more fulfilling relationship?

  1. Find out your own love language
  2. Find out your partner’s love language
  3. Give love the way your partner expects
  4. Communicate often about each other’s needs and expectations

 

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Keep Shining Everyday!

by Shervin on February 26, 2017

Have you observed people who keep their cars shiny and clean? Do they clean their cars once a month or more often?  Do they keep their cars away from tree saps?

Those people know that dirt is everywhere and it is normal that their cars get dirty and lose its shine. They have a process for keeping their car shiny regularly. They also avoid parking near trees with sticking saps.

Making our car stay shiny is similar to keeping our energy up every day. The dirt on our cars correspond to our unconscious negative talks and our environment that dulls our shine. The tree saps are negative people whose energy can stick to us.

To maintain our spiritual shine we need to do maintenance on ourselves daily. This means being pro-active and being loving toward our energetic and emotional well-being as a priority, by regularly observing our thoughts and words, eating well, exercising, connecting to nature and choosing who we have in our company.

Keep shining!

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Ordering From Menu

by Shervin on February 13, 2017

If you are hungry and go to your favorite restaurant, how will your order your food?  Will you tell  the waitress: “I do not want to eat hamburger, I got sick when I ate one last year in an airport” “I do not want spaghetti it gave me hurt burn in restaurant across from you”  “I do not like pies I once choked on a big piece when I was three”  and so on …

If you said yes, I have to ask you if you are really serious about eating and why you have not ordered anything yet.

The above scenario happens for many of us in the restaurant of life. How many times while we desire a change in our lives, we make a list of what we do not want?  What is the reason that we do not express what we desire clearly? We all have free will. Universe only gives us what we desire (the first step is to verbalize it).

What we desire in our lives is like ordering from a menu in a restaurant. Ask for what you desire rather than what you do not want. It is more rewarding and more enjoyable to visualize and create a yummy feeling of what you desire than what you do not want.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Birthday Gift

by Shervin on January 28, 2017

My birthday was approaching and I was thinking of what I wanted as a present if the Universe could give me anything I wished? It was not what I was expecting.

Image of my parents holding me and smiling at me appeared. I became overwhelmed emotionally. I cried for a while. I pondered about this issue for several days.

I realized that I was seeking unconditional love and safety from my parents who physically can no longer provide. I then concluded that needed to become my own parents to grant my wish.

I asked myself what can I do to feel safe and loved 24 hours a day?

I realized my own thoughts are the biggest source of my fear, worry and unease. I also realized nobody can manage or protect me from my thoughts better than myself.

On my birthday, I wish to unconditionally love myself and feel safe by letting go of thoughts and beliefs that are terrorizing me – something any loving parent would do.

What present do you desire for your birthday?

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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How Is It Serving You?

by Shervin on January 16, 2017

Everything serves us until we let it go.

If you are struggling with something that is frustrating you (weight, next dream project, relationship), most likely the struggle is between your thoughts and you emotions. You likely know what are the right things to do and yet you may be sabotaging your effort regarding taking the next steps. The next steps can be as simple as planning your dinner, posting a blog, or making a phone call.

If you are frustrated with your progress you need to look at two factors:

1- What do you believe about yourself?

2- What are you trying not to feel (a form of protection?)

Just know that you are doing the best things based on your beliefs and desires not to feel. Your subconscious is helping you to get what you want. Your wishes are granted.

If ‘not being rejected’ has higher priority than getting what you desire, the best way that your subconscious can help and protect you is to sabotage the effort.  Therefore, your subconscious makes sure that you do not make the phone call or plan the dinner on time.

If you are ‘sabotaging’ your success, you need to find out what are you protecting yourself from based on the belief you have about the subject.

For example, Let us assume you are upset that you do not socialize enough and are frustrated about it. But if you believe people do not like you and you do not like to be rejected or criticized, then it is natural way of protection for you is not to show up in life. To remedy this situation is to accept that rejection is part of the process (welcome it) and change the belief that people do not like you.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

 

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Make it Matter!

by Shervin on January 1, 2017

If you could go back in time 1, 5, 10, 20 years and talk to your younger self, will your younger self benefit from your life lessons and your wisdom?

If yes, how would your life would have changed?  For better?

You may not be able to go back and change your life from years ago, but you can help others learn and enjoy a better life today. You can share your experiences and lessons with those who are dealing with the similar issues. You do not have to wait to become a ‘perfect’ person before you start this. Your imperfect but authentic you with your unique gifts can help and inspire others.

Your audience are friends, family, co-workers, strangers who you were in their shoes 1, 2, 10 or 20 years ago. Be authentic and you are definitely an expert by experience on the subject.

Make it matter!

 

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Pink Elephant

by Shervin on December 19, 2016

On Sunday, I woke up at 3 AM in the morning. I was consumed with a deep anger. It was very intense and I felt I was losing control. Under my anger was feeling that I was rejected and abandoned.  The feeling was overwhelming and it was suffocating me.  I asked my guides to take away my anger. It did not seem to work.  I just wanted it to go away and to be calm so I can sleep again.

After a long ten minutes, I gave up asking for it to go away. I used another approach. I started acknowledging causes of my anger: hurt and abandonment. I listened to feeling of hurt and abandonment talking to me. Initially I felt very vulnerable and weak (judgement about those feelings). After five minutes, and some tears I felt lighter, calmer and liberated.

That morning I shared with my coach (we take turn coaching each other) my experience I had earlier that morning. He made an insightful comment, “It is interesting that you were upset about being rejected while you at first were rejecting your own feeling about being rejected.”

All of sudden, I starting laughing out loud. Then he started laughing. We laughed, as if we have heard the funniest joke ever. Perhaps we had! Our laughing lasted for two minutes. I had not laughed like that for about 45 years since I was a teenager.

I was reminded again that when we are very upset about something hurtful done by others, we need to look at ourselves first to see if we are doing a similar thing which we can control. That means being aware, being honest with ourselves, being vulnerable and being courageous in acknowledging the big pink elephant in front of us.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Why?

by Shervin on December 5, 2016

Most people want all the nice things such as good relationship, happiness, spirituality, fit body, great finances but are not committed to deal with challenges and associated sacrifice to get what they want. For most part we have to earn what we desire and nothing valuable is free.

For example, most people want to be fit. If everyone wants to be fit why not everyone is not fit?

There are two issues involved here:

1-      What we say we want as a top priority, is not really one of our true wants. The ‘why’ to what we desire does not really excite us and most likely is like a chore to us.

2-      We are not committed to pain of sacrifice and discipline required to get what we desire.

Yes I am talking about pain and sacrifice. Pain of getting up and going to gym while you want to sleep longer. Pain of doing ten more push-ups when you are tired. Pain of saying no to extra piece of beautiful looking cookie which is also free. Pain of challenging your self-talk constantly that is encouraging you to take the easy way out.

That is why important we know the ‘why’ we are doing something and if that something is what we really want. Because when the associated challenge/pain for what we want kicks in, your ‘why’ has to be much bigger than the pain associated with challenge for us to be successful.

Look at things you have planned for your life or striving for every day. Why you want those? Are there strong enough ‘why’ for those? If not, change to what you really want or find a stronger ‘why’.

Be aware that you be challenged by pain on path to what you desire and your strong and deeply felt ‘why’ keeps you on the course to fulfilling your dreams.

“I have to do it”, “Everyone else does same thing”, “I have to prove that I am worthy”, “This does not make me feel stressed”, “I do not know”, are not strong ‘why’ to withstand distractions and serious challenges to our dreams and wants.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Three Months to Live.

by Shervin on November 20, 2016

What would you do differently if you were told that you had three months to live and you had enough money to spend on whatever you wanted?
I took a class two weeks ago, and as part of the class I had to answer that question.
I wrote:
I am going to quit my job right away (not a surprise). I am going to visit my loved ones. I will travel for a month or two, if I am healthy enough to travel, with people who I love and enjoy their company. Most importantly I will tell my loved ones how much they have meant to me.
After contemplating about my answer, I realized that close connection with my loved ones and telling them how much I love them was very important to me.
I also realized that I used my death as permission to do what was so dear in my heart. The logic did not make sense! I could do most of what I wrote without needing to die in three months!!
I could take trips with my loved ones (maybe not as lavish) and look into eyes of people that I love and tell them how much they mean to me. Why wait for death? What if my death comes suddenly?
I suggest that you do the exercise that I did. You may find out more clearly what is truly important to you. You may also like, I, decide to incorporate those wishes and act on them today.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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How to Have More Peace and Less Stress?

by Shervin on November 8, 2016

I like to discuss with you one simple thing that can bring you more peace and less stress.

Think of issues that have been taking your joy away lately.  Write them down.

The list may be something like this:

–  He is mean; He should be more caring.

–  He is an adult. He should understand.

–  She is not healthy. She should exercise.

–  He is rude. He should not yell.

–  He is careless. He should grow up.

– I am behind; I should do more.

All of them may be legitimate facts that are causing you stress.

Now negate the statements from your list.

– He should not be more caring.

– He should not understand.

– She should not exercise.

– He should yell.

– He should not grow up.

– I am behind; I should not do more.

Take a minute and slowly repeat those new statements and feel them in your heart.

How do you feel when you repeat those new statements? Do you feel less stress? Do you feel more relaxed?

If so, what has changed? The people in your statement did not change even though you wanted them to change.

Notice that your thought and beliefs (your story) changed and you became more relaxed. You let go of demand on how others or yourself should be and you became more peaceful!

If you are honest with yourself, the cause of your stress is your thought not the situation you are concerned with.

Have a joyful day.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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7 Effective Ways to be Miserable!!!

by Shervin on October 23, 2016

If you are feeling helpless or unhappy you may consider some of the reasons below that can easily sap your joy, excitement and peace from your life.

1- Codependency: Our happiness is solely based on happiness of spouse or family members or a friend. We lose sense of who we are and what we want, and our day-to-day happiness is at mercy their life situation and their mood.

2- Forcing Change: We want others to change. We do not like someone or a behavior and yet we talk about the situation non-stop even when the situation is removed. We forget that reaction to the event or a person is under our control. We may not be able to force changes on others, yet we can control how we internalize a situation.

3- Regrets without any positive action: We may regret that we did not spend quality time with our loved ones who have passed away. We are so zealously focused on that regret that we miss opportunities to spend any quality time with our loved ones who are still alive. Regret without a corrective action just saps our happiness and denies opportunities for joy.

4- Self-neglect: We neglect our emotional, physical and mental wellness for noble causes such as caring and sacrificing for others. This re-enforces the belief that our needs do not matter, and we are worthless if we are not needed. The truth is when we are not balanced we rarely can be effective in helping anyone else.

5- Blame: We excessively blame others for what is happening in our lives. When we blame others then we give the power to them and we resign from any responsibility of changing our lives for better.

6- Talk without action: We talk about our problems daily and often and do not take any small steps to improve the situation. We keep listing all the reasons why something cannot be done without discussing any solution.

7- Lack of Gratitude:   We do not celebrate our blessings, and take them for granted, yet we mourn their loss deeply when they are gone.

 

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Only My Way!!!

by Shervin on October 10, 2016

When we are attached to our beliefs, we may defend our beliefs at the cost of truth our integrity, and our peace of mind.

Most of us are not aware of our attachment to our beliefs, yet we can identify others that are defensive and seem to be closed minded about their beliefs.

Let us look at a simple example. A doctor who has spent many years at a medical school may believe that the western medicine is the only way to heal and may be intolerant of other methods. A practitioner of natural healing may also believe that his way is the only way to heal, and the western way is all based on greed and does not work.

A doctor and the practitioner may defend their position by showing the other method has not worked on tens or hundreds of cases. All their argument says is that the other method does not work all the time. Yet they may defend their position as if their method works 100% of time!

We can take this concept to our work, society and politics and observe the interactions among people. Observe the level of anger and intolerance of opposing ideas.

The most interesting and useful things is to look at is at ourselves and our beliefs. How do we react when our beliefs are under question and perhaps under attack? How tolerant are we? Do we think our way is the only correct way and we need to squash and belittle the opposing belief at any expense?

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Lack of Motivation

by Shervin on September 25, 2016

Sometimes we may feel tired and do not have motivation to do the things that we “should” be doing.

There may be many reasons for lack of motivation. Today, Let us focus on one reason that we usually do not pay attention to.

What if the reason for lack of motivation is that we are not true to ourselves and are not doing what is line with our heart?

What if your heart wants you do task B and you are trying do task A as a priority?

What if doing what you need to do is to be vulnerable while you are told to be strong and composed?

What if giving your power away which is sapping your energy and self-esteem?

Perhaps lack of energy is a sign for you to re-consider your priority and focus.

Do not beat yourself up for lack of energy. Look for the root cause.

Is what you are doing is aligned with your heart?

Is what you are doing bringing you joy?

Are you doing anything significant during the day that feeds your soul?

Do what you really love and do it without fear or concern. Your energy and motivation will bounce back very quickly.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Are You Really OK?

by Shervin on September 11, 2016

You ask your friend:

How are you?

He or she responds:

I am OK!

What does it really mean?

She may be hurting and still say “I am OK”!  This is a typical respond of most people.

She may feel her problems may be a burden on others and say “I am OK”.

She may be used to her unhealthy situation and say “I am OK”.

How do we do to really know if a friend is OK or not?

We need to be caring, curious and ask questions.

– What was exciting about your day?

– What was challenging?

– You sound sad, what is bothering you?

– What fun thing did you do last weekend?

– Why I have not heard from you lately?

We do not need to give advice to our friends. Most people just want to be heard and share how they feel. Some may seek advice from us and some may not.

Pay attention to tone of voice, body language and any unusual changes in your friend’s behavior.

OK may not be OK.

Of course, if such a question directed at you by a friend, be honest and ask your friend if he or she has time to hear you.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Dark Night of the Soul

by Shervin on August 30, 2016

When you are in the dark night of your soul, almost everything that you believed in may be challenged. Everything that you may have spent so much time on, you may let go of. You may doubt everything and everyone. Everything may lose its meaning and pleasure. It is death of old self and what you knew.

It is Ok. Stay in the doubt and feel the fear, the grief and the emptiness with courage and without blaming anyone or anything.

When you are empty, even though it is very scary, it has a great positive side to it.  You do not have to defend or protect anything or anyone anymore. It is a great freedom if you recognize it.

Ask the Universe for the ‘truth’ of who you are and your soul path to be shown.

Ask the Universe to show you ‘truth’ of lessons you are supposed to learn.

Ask the energies within you that are not uplifting to be transformed with ease.

Plant seeds of your new life, with wisdom and compassion.

Remember, it is always darkest before the Sun rise.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

 

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How to Feel With Less Pain

by Shervin on August 15, 2016

Why it so difficult to feel “negative” feelings? Is feeling of sadness painful or the story associated with it is painful?

What happens when something good happens and we feel happy? We tell ourselves a good story. It goes something like that: “I am so lucky”, “I finally did it”, “I am worthwhile”, and “I am loved”. The positive story adds more joy to your feeling.

What happens when something bad happens and you feel sad? The story goes like this: “I am so unlucky”, “Nobody loves me”,’ I am a failure”, “I have nobody”. Of course the negative story adds pain to your feeling of loss and rejection.

How can we feel without experiencing so much pain? It can be done!

Follow the steps below:

1- Name the feeling (sad, rejected …) instead of bad or terrible.

2- Stop the story in your head. Stay calm and pay attention to your breath to distract yourself from thinking.

3- Be curious and connect with your feeling. Where is it in your body?  Feel it and get in touch with curiosity. Experience the feeling completely.

4- Repeat the process as is needed

You will be amazed how peaceful and relax you will feel after feeling a “negative” feeling following the above steps. You have finally listened and felt your feeling in the moment. You have connected with part of your soul that needed to be heard.

The feeling is similar to a situation that you want to share something important and somebody pays attention and lovingly listens to you and acknowledges you. It is an uplifting process.

 

Give it a try.

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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Loss of Loved one

by Shervin on August 2, 2016

As part of life, most of us will experience loss of our parents which may shake foundation of our emotional and physical security.

People react to a loss differently. Some stay angry about the loss. Some stay numb for a long time. Some feel guilty for not doing more with them when alive. Some are grateful for the experience of having the loved ones in their lives. Some may be happy that their suffering has ended.  Some grieve and honor their love ones by making a difference in the world.

I met a heart doctor who is one of the best heart doctors in the US. At age 20, after playing tennis with his father, his father had a sudden heart attack in the locker room and the father died in his arms. He was devastated and he bounced back despite the loss. He did not focus on how unfortunate he was or why others had more time with their fathers than him. He did something amazingly positive.

He decided that no father or mother should die due to a preventable heart disease. He went to medical school and became one the best heart doctors in the country. He has saved many lives since his father’s death.  After 48 years, he still gets teary eyes when he talks about his father. Yet his loss has turned into gains for many people enabling them to spend more time with their loved ones.

If you are experiencing loss of a loved one take time to grieve and keep asking the following questions:

– How would your loved one want you to be and react?

– How can you honor her or him?

– How can you continue his/her legacy?

 

Copyright @ 2016 by Shervin Hojat

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