Do You Love Yourself?

by Shervin on September 13, 2020

For some of us, this topic may be an abstract subject or be considered a selfish discussion.

Let us consider a loving relationship among two people.

What are some outcomes of such a relationship?

• They bring the best in each other
• They attempt to reduce pain and stress in each other
• They listen to each other
• They enjoy being together
• They forgive each other
• They show love in action
• They do not blame each other
• They respect each other

Now if you love yourself, shouldn’t the above outcomes be present for you as well?

• Do you bring the best in you?
o How often are you angry or worried during the day?
o How often do you feel joy and smile?

• Do you attempt to reduce pain and stress in you?
o Do you take time to meditate or relax?
o Do you take care of your needs?
o Do you eat the food that nurtures you?
o Do you draw a boundary on how much people and outside events may trigger you?

• Do you listen to and acknowledge your needs and feelings?

• Do you enjoy being by yourself?
o Are you busy all the time?
o Is sitting silent with yourself a torture?

• Do you forgive yourself and others?
o Remember if you stay angry, the first person that feels the anger is you

• Do you show your love by action?
o Do you buy yourself a gift with joy or you only do it for other people?
o Do you try to reduce pain in others while yourself is in pain?
o Do you ridicule or diminish what you feel?

• Do you blame everything on others?
o Blame only takes your power away and puts you at mercy of the behavior of others.

• Do you respect yourself?

When we love ourselves, we can love others freely and with ease.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Be True to Yourself

by Shervin on August 30, 2020

For a minute, imagine that you are a small Sun.

What are your roles and responsibilities?

Will you stop shining if you are surrounded by dark clouds?

Will you please others at the expense of deviating from your essence?

Will you be anyone other than yourself?

Imagine what the Sun in our solar system goes through.

Some people get skin cancer due to over exposure to its rays.

Some people enjoy its beauty.

Animals and plants rely on its energy to live.

Some people hide from its heat and may get sick or die from its intensity.

At some locations, some people want the Sun to be cooler or hotter.

Does Sun feel guilt and shame due its undesirable impact on others?

Does Sun feel proud and arrogant due to all its life giving?

Will Sun’s behavior change if everyone one the planet disapproves of its presence?

Remember the essence of who you are.

You are light.

You are love.

Do not dim your light to fit in or be accepted.

Be true to yourself, no matter what happens around you.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Preserving Your High Vibration

by Shervin on August 16, 2020

These days, with unusual chaos and uncertainty, it is becoming obvious that keeping a high vibration is requirement for thriving at spiritual, mental and physical level.

High vibration is a natural state when you are connected to your core and essence (knowing self). This usually requires regularly sitting in silence and observing your thoughts.

Imagine you are watching a movie. It maybe a scary and upsetting. Maybe there are some events portrayed that are not fair.

You are watching the movie, but it does not need to become your reality and allowing the movie to zap your life force.

The movie will end sooner or later. The residual impact on you is very crucial.

It is like type of food you choose to eat. It may have a lasting impact on you.

Does spending your energy and attention on that movie serve you?

Some people get a bag of popcorn and watch the movie. Some people watch the movie and complain how disgusting it is.

Some people walk away from watching the movie in the middle or do not get engaged in watching it at all.

That ‘right’ choice (in the moment) comes from levels of self-awareness.

Every day we engage in many movies with different actors at home or outside home. These movies will have different outcomes depending on our quality of interactions and our state of being.

Imagine you observe somebody drops a trash on the floor of a nature trail.

Definitely, it is something irresponsible to do. You also do not know state of mind of that person.

You, as nature lover, are correct if you want to fix the situation.

Your choices may be:

1- You may go and confront the person; lecture them on how irresponsible they are (how good you are indirectly).
2- You may decide to ignore the situation, walk away, hope someone else will deal with it.
3- You may decide to pick up the trash and move on.

All the above three options maybe the correct thing to do depending on level of your awareness.

What are the key question to ask in such a situation?

• What is my state of being? Loving? Agitated?
• What is my end goal?
• What action(s) keep my vibration high?
• What does my heart say?

Lately, I have observed that I have given options of being right or keeping my vibration high.

At first, it is very difficult to allow someone keep doing something ‘unfair’, ‘wrong’ or ‘intentional’ and do not engage with them.

Usually many of such things are trivial with lots of unresolved charges within us (toilet seat, lane change, gossip, blame …).

The ultimate question is to ask: if I engage in a certain way, how will my vibration be impacted?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Love and Respect

by Shervin on August 3, 2020

Do love and respect go together?

Can you love yourself and have no respect for self?

Can you love  the environment and not to respect it by damaging it?

Can you love someone and not show respect by not being present with them?

What are different aspects of respect?

  • Listening
  • Being present
  • Empathy
  • Honesty
  • Help
  • Kindness
  • Being considerate
  • Freedom to choose

If  I have issues with other people respecting me and my boundaries, then perhaps I need to re-evaluate my own self-respect.

Do I  listen to myself?

I am present with myself?

Do I have empathy for myself?

Do I treat myself kindly?

Am I honest with myself on how I feel?

Do I give myself freedom to choose?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Sources of Energy Drain

by Shervin on July 21, 2020

We have a finite amount of energy and we need to preserve our energy as much as possible.

The higher our energy, the more loving, happy and calm we are. We are also more productive in such a state.

I have found  that the things I enjoy doing not only does not drain my energy but amplifies my energy.

I have also have  found the things that I resist and avoid drain my energy.

We can drain our energy by ourselves (thoughts and certain behaviors)  or drop our guards and allow others tap into our energy.

What are some energy drains?

  • Lack of self-care.
  • Not honoring your wishes.
  • Doubting yourself.
  • Not letting go of thinking of a problem or an argument.
  • Thoughts and ideas that create fear and worry.
  • Co-dependency (your happiness depends on happiness of others).
  • Anger and complaints.
  • Judgement and jealousy.

We need to be on our guards when we are tired, hungry or thirsty. This is time to pause doing what we are doing and take care of our needs first.

Self-care  (physically ,emotionally and spiritually) is one of the most important commitment we need to honor.

What are sources of your energy drain?

How well do you self-care?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Change and Chaos

by Shervin on July 6, 2020

How do we respond in times of change and chaos?

Put it mildly, many things are uncertain. Many of pillars that we rested our peace of mind on may be gone or crumbling.

We may dread watching the news. Our friends may not be as social as before. We may feel emotionally and physically exhausted. We may feel lonely.

What we are going through is a catalyst to know ourselves and grow. 

Look back at past few months. You have made it so far. You have adapted. You are stronger as the result.

We do not have control on many of the events. We have control on how we respond.

The best form of response is being in high vibration as much as possible.

The following reminders has helped me to raise my vibration which I hope they help you too:

  • Find things to be grateful about.  Remember our lives are about opportunities to grow and learn.
  • Remember pain point for everyone is different; What may be easy to deal with for you, may be very difficult for others.
  • Lower your expectation of how others should respond to you. Do not take things personally.
  • Be lovingly specific on what you need from others or what you can provide.
  • Be flexible. Plan and if things change, do not lose your peace of mind.
  • Do not get trapped in one perspective. Constantly ask Universe to help you see what you need for your growth.
    • When you want to pick fruits from a tree, you do not stay in one place and pick the fruit of that section only. You move around and with each new perspective there are new findings. This concept applies to many aspects in our lives as well.
  • Give others what you want to receive.
    •  If you want to be understood, make attempt to understand others.
    • If you want others around you be positive, you be positive.
    • If you want others be kind, you be kind in actions and words.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Love and Action

by Shervin on June 21, 2020

“Love without action is meaningless and action without love is irrelevant.” – Deepak Chopra

Action and love need to go together (with awareness) for our spiritual growth.

What are some actions related to love?

· Acceptance of the other person- it is not about fixing them.

· Being present with them.

· Being vulnerable to verbalize your love

  • Many people’s dream is to hear ‘I love you’ from their loved ones.
  • Verbalizing love is a good start.

· Acting in their love language

  • If someone loves flowers, showing your love by getting them power tools is not a very effective way to communicate that love.

Why action without (unconditional) love is irreverent?

· Any action based on vibration lower than love, can only reflect the energy that was put into.

  • Unconditional love brings out that energy in giver and receiver
  • Acting with expectations most often produces disappointment, resentment and anger. Recall a time that you may have given and later felt resentful because you expected something in return and did not receive in kind.

· If an action does not propel us toward raising our vibration, is self-defeating and not in our highest good.

I invite you to ponder about people whom you love (including yourself).

Is there an action you need to take to communicate your love more effectively toward yourself or others?

What would change if you acted toward yourself or loved ones with more unconditional love?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Tribute To A Friend

by Shervin on June 7, 2020

Last Wednesday, a friend texted me with a sad news. He broke the shocking news that our common friend, Balmiki, who I have worked with in two companies – has unexpectedly passed away.

Bakmiki, was one of my few friends who I had at my work.  We had common passion for nature, photography and poetry.

We had enjoyable times walking, sharing pictures we have taken and talking about books we have enjoyed reading.

I had to ponder why I felt so sad from the news?  I have not talked to him for more than one  year since he moved to another city.

I realized that when we talked with each other, we were often laughing and exchanging ideas. 

Whenever I think of Balmiki, smile comes to my face.

Some reflections on my friend’s sudden passing:

  • Do not take anything for granted, focus only on important things.
  • By sharing our passion, we share joy with others.
  • Quality of our interactions is dependent on how present we are.
  • We remember people by how they make us feel.

Rest in peace my dear friend.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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How Sovereign Are You?

by Shervin on May 26, 2020

How much outside events influence your mental, emotional and spiritual state?

You are sovereign if we know yourself. This is more than knowing what personality type you are. This is about experiencing yourself to the core.

Knowing self is like being a tree rooted deeply in the earth. Winds of criticism, job loss, failures, rejections and lack of approval do not break or upset us.

If we do not know who we are, we are not sovereign. We depend on outside events/people to validate our identity. We are easily are manipulated, hurt or angered.

Most people, as a child, first try to fit in and be somebody ‘acceptable’. As soon as we deviate from the ‘norm’, we feel the guilt, shame and may feel unhappy and hollow.

After several decades of fitting in and seeking outside approval, this process becomes repetitive with no lasting joy. We may feel anger, resentment and may turn the anger on ourselves or others.

This is the time that we can challenge our beliefs, thoughts and norms that hold us back from knowing ourselves.

We decide to become self-ish and go deeper within. As a result developing a stronger root such that outside events minimally impact us.

Going within requires dropping all the thoughts, knowledge and beliefs about who we are and how we should be.

This is a process that with humility we connect to our heart.  We ask the intelligence within, through silence and meditation, to guide us to experience Self.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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On Manipulation

by Shervin on May 10, 2020

Manipulation is a way to control and direct others to have a certain desired behavior.

Some reasons for manipulation is lack of effective communication, lack of awareness and lack of honesty.

Some tactics used for manipulation are:

  • Fear/mis-information
  • Urgency
  • Shame
  • Guilt
  • Various forms of Rewards

If we are not conscious, we all will participate in such manipulative games.

If we are conscious and have a sense of who we are, then impact of such tactics are minimum on us.

As children we may be ‘directed’ by fear, shame or guilt for own protection. As adults same may apply.

What can we do in this regard?

  • The only way to improve things is to start with ourselves.  
  • Contemplate on how much you may manipulate others and through what means.
  • Contemplate through what mechanism you are most likely to be manipulated (fear, shame, praise…).
  • Only give and share when you have no agenda. This means you do not have fixed expectation of correcting other people’s behavior to your own liking.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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How to Respond

by Shervin on April 28, 2020

Imagine something unexpected happens. Your travel plans get cancelled. Your income is reduced, or an unexpected illness is encountered.

The default reaction is to get very upset and say why me? It does not seem to be fair! You have gone through a lot already and this was the last thing you needed. Your every step of recovery is encountered by constant grief and resistance to moving on.

You may also respond by acknowledging the loss and then turn the situation into wonder! You may wonder what gifts this difficult situation may bring you (remember Universe is on your side).  Of course, you may not know the answer yet, but changing your focus has several quick benefits.

With the above mindset, you are not bitter, you are more creative, and you are more relaxed. People around you respond with more ease and care towards you. The recovery step is surprisingly more pleasant than expected.

This concept is not just a theory. It has worked for me and I have experienced benefits of it.

Perhaps this approach can work for you too. You need to put it into practice to find out.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Reminders to self

by Shervin on April 12, 2020

Everyone is under stress and they have unique way of dealing with their own stress.

Our coping mechanisms are different. Some coping mechanism are stickier (negatively impacts others more) than others.

We all are feeling fear, anger, regret, grief during this challenging times and nobody is immune to such feelings.

The only control we have is to manage our own reactions and reality with awareness and practice.

Some points that I am often reminded of:

  • Be patient and loving toward yourself.
  • Have the same patience and love toward others.
  • Ask for what you need without being abrasive or angry.
  • Be supportive of others. Simple things matter.
  • Do not expect others to behave the same way you do. Your behavior may be annoying to others too.
  • When you feel angry, remember that most likely the root of your anger is from past that has not been resolved.
  • Many opinions are based on fear, greed or ignorance. Question them – even your own.
  • Let your heart and intuition guide you. Use your mind as a tool.
  • Find time to be quiet with yourself.
  • Just be. Not this way or that way.
  • Be humble. Do not take things personally.
  • There is a great joy in giving. Give with minimum expectation.
  • Take time to be grateful for past and present from depth of your heart. Let the tears of joy come down.
  • There is a great strength in honesty and feeling vulnerable.  Go with it.
  • Everyone has an agenda. Are you aware of your own agenda without judgement?
  • Do not panic. This shall pass. You will be stronger as the result.

My friends, you matter and you are needed. Be the highest vibration that you can be.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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The Invisible

by Shervin on March 30, 2020

The invisible enemy or friend?

The enemy who is everywhere and nowhere.

The enemy who is not detected by your normal senses.

The enemy who does not discriminate based on language or color or wealth.

The enemy who can bring physical death and pain.

The enemy who physically separates you from friends and family.

The enemy who disrupts what is familiar, comfortable and secure.

The enemy who honors no boundaries.

The enemy who is cunning and adaptable.

The enemy who can bring the worst in you.

The enemy who relies on your worry and fear to weaken your defenses.

The invisible enemy or friend?

The friend who reminds you to be humble.

The friend who reminds you to take responsibility for your boundary.

The friend who reminds you that your actions and thoughts matter.

The friend who reminds you not to take any moment for granted.

The friend who invites you to reflect on what is dearly important to you.

The friend who invites you to overcome the ultimate obstacle- your deepest fears.

The friend who invites you to go within and become your own friend.

The friend who invites you to take more responsibility for self.

The friend who makes your bonds with friends and family stronger.

The friend who makes invisible – visible.

The friend who invites you to be more resilient and creative.

The friend who brings the best in you.

The friend who helps you realize that we are in it together.

The friend who is a catalyst for more growth, faith, courage and love.

The invisible who you can love and hate at the same time!

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Dealing With Our New Reality

by Shervin on March 23, 2020

It is like a bad movie or perhaps a dream that we want to wake up from. Is it real?

Things has changed so quickly.  It is hard to believe.

We are pushed to take our life situation moment to moment to maintain our peace and sanity.

It is scary, if you are not used to uncertainty.  There are so many changes in our work, financial condition, living condition, sense of security and our interactions with others.

Many things that we took for granted have disappeared. Yet still are many things that we need to be grateful for.

I can imagine if I had experienced this situation 10 or 20 years ago I would have had a much harder reaction (I have observed, over the years, how my thoughts about difficult events have been inaccurate).

Many of us have an active imagination and assume the worst case. We also, identify with our job or finances which, with the current situation, may appear as treat to our identity and self-worth.

There are silver linings at the end of the situation.

I imagine that we will have more joy in doing previously mundane things such as having a coffee with a friend, hugging a friend, going to work, going to a restaurant, dancing or shopping at stores with full supply.

The question is what to do day to day?

  • Take care  of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually
  • Stay calm and do your best every day
  • Do not over think things;  Being fearful weakens your  immune system and takes your joy away
  • Focus on uplifting tasks such as journaling, reading, meditation, exercise or dance
  • Set a routine; many things has changed and a little discipline brings structure to your life
  • Stay connected with friends and family
  • Help others the best way you can;  It can be helping with grocery or listening to or inspiring someone
  • It is a great opportunity to work on something you love to accomplish. Perhaps it is the book you did not have time for or an exciting project at home
  • Find reasons to smile and focus on what you are grateful for (can you imagine a life with no internet, water or electricity?)
  • Think about a year from now; what inspiring story would you want to share with others?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Game of Life

by Shervin on March 8, 2020

Living is about experiencing life events with courage and humility.

One can be ‘alive’ and still not be living.

What makes us alive is breaking the walls of fear and observing experience of who we are and who we are not. It is a game!

Would you want to have a friend/mentor that has never failed and has never tried anything meaningful to himself/herself?

Or would you want to have a friend/mentor who has failed, experienced hurt and know themselves better.

Rumi says,” What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle.”

Why hurting can be a blessing?  Why darkness can be a candle?

What is worthwhile on the other side that is worth going through darkness and hurt?

  • In life we all experience hurt and sometimes, to avoid temporary hurt, we make choices that are not to our highest good.
  • Darkness forces us to drop limited images of who we think we are and to see and to experience our true essence.

We all will face challenges and hurt as well as joy in life. This is part of the game of life which come in a package.

During this game we need to keep asking ourselves:

  • Who am I?
  • What is my highest good?
  • How can my hurts be blessings?
  • Am I playing the game with courage and or curiosity or am I playing it safe?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Life Purpose

by Shervin on February 24, 2020

What is my life purpose?

This is a question that sooner or later comes up and we like to have a heartfelt answer for it.

“I am getting older and still do not know what I want and what purpose I have.”

“What used to make me happy, no longer does. Why am I here?”

Does it sound familiar?

There is an unspoken agreements among many people, to live your life purpose, you need to be “successful” which is defined by our society, media and our family.

Those outside definitions of success at the end is not fulfilling, if is not defined from within.

I have thought about this subject often and that definition has changed over years.

For me the ultimate success is

  • Knowing myself
  • Accepting myself (loving myself comes later)
  • Being myself
  • Appreciating what is in my life

Can you imagine buying a tool, without knowing anything about it and trying to use it to fulfill its purpose?

Wouldn’t be much easier, to learn about it, accept its functionality, and then best utilize it?

Most people have small/inaccurate view of who they are and that limits living their purpose.

I believe ultimate life purpose is to love and allow to experience love.

We all take a slightly different path to reach that purpose, due to different life experiences and beliefs.

Does living life purpose take effort?  

No. It is like asking if receiving sun rays takes any efforts.

Does reaching to point to live life purpose (removing obstacles) requires effort and sacrifice?

Yes. It is similar to effort required to walking outside a building to receive the sun rays.  

Some obstacles to living our life purpose are: not knowing who we are, beliefs, lack of humility, expectation and judgement.

Some questions to ponder:

What were some of the most joyful moments in your life? What contributed to that experience? How did you contribute to it?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Expectations and Happiness

by Shervin on February 9, 2020

What kind of expectations do you have?

Extent of our expectations determine how happy we are.

Look at the couple of few items that made you upset and kept you upset.

Were there related to some forms of expectations from others?

Why do we have expectations from others?

  • We like to be treated like we treat others.
  • We have sacrificed and expect a reward.
  • Certainty makes us feel secure and calm.
  • We have an image of how things should be.

Why expectation from others may disappoint you?

  • They may have no clue what you expect from them!
  • They may be deeply involved in their own issues.
  • They may not be as sensitive as you are.
  • They may not agree with your point of view or priority, at this moment.

I believe the expectations and disappointments toward our parents (first people we dealt with), carries its wounds in adult life.

We may still be sensitive toward certain issues that has disappointed us as a child.

It is good to know ourselves by knowing what things we are sensitive and reactive to. There is a story behind any deep reaction.

This does not mean to lower our expectations or do not do things with excellence. It means being aware of our reactions and communicate effectively if needed.

In business, expectations are more understood and agreed upon. But, at other areas of life may not be as clear or fully discussed.

In my experience, the less expectation, the more calmness and potential for a pleasant surprise.

What expectations do you have from friends or family that you have never verbalized?

What expectation (action or lack of) causes you a sudden reaction?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Do We Value Truth?

by Shervin on January 30, 2020

At what point do we appreciate truth?

I believe that most people support the truth mostly if it does not harm them.

Will a lawyer seek truth at expense of his client’s freedom? 

Will a political party change its position because of discovering the truth? 

Will people at work speak the truth when they perceive their job may be on the line? 

One can understand in situations one hiding the truth to protect self or others from physical harm. What is the justification for hiding or denying the truth from ourselves?

It is said that truth sets you free; yes, only if you let go of ego and let go of defending your past positions.

Many people have invested many years in half-truths and inaccurate ideas; it takes honesty and courage to admit one has made a mistake.

Truth does not have value judgment; it just is. We try to judge it instead of accepting it.

If I do not trust life – that is not good or bad – It just is at this moment;

If I am not happy with my situation – that is not good or bad – It just is at this moment.

When you are hungry you say the truth at that moment about your hunger and there is no judgement.

Why we get offended when someone criticize us when he/she tells the truth?

Why we do not tell the truth when we feel sad, lonely, angry or scared? 

Is fear of judgement from others (position of ego) more important than truth? Isn’t that like being in a small prison cell?

What truths do you deny or judge? Why?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Unmet Needs

by Shervin on January 13, 2020

We know nutritious food, exercise, meditation, laughter are all good for us. We also know certain behaviors are not good for us.

When we mention to our friends or family, “You know this is good for you, why you do not do it?”, We hear, “I know!”.

Why we do not do things that benefits us? And do things that are destructive?

One reason, perhaps is that we have unmet needs.

There are some universal needs such as feeling safe, connected, acknowledged, appreciated, heard, valued and loved.

We may not even know what those unmet needs are, but we feel the side effect in our choices.

We may have a need to feel heard. That need may be more important than being civil, not angry or being self-loving.

At subconscious level, we may do things that is not good for us – believing that will help us get what we need.

When someone says, I know this is good for me but I am not doing it. It really means I have unmet needs that are more important to me.

What are things that you know are good for you, you like to do and do not do?

Can you identify one unmet need?

In my experience, when I articulate my unmet needs, there is always an emotional reaction in my body.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

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Lessons Of The Year

by Shervin on December 31, 2019

I like to share with you some reflections on 2019.

I was humbled to be wrong so many times during the year. Many of my projections, which logically should have happened, did not happen!

Those issues were all important and related to my sense of well-being and security.

At times I felt scared, worried, frustrated. I pulled myself out of those situations (seemingly like life and death) and reached some sense of peace.

Looking back, these were the common thing that helped me greatly to reduce my suffering:

  • I dropped my desire to have an immediate result; A month or a week is a long time to worry about it today.
  • I focused I what I could do the best today.
  • I accepted probable worst case scenarios, but did not feed them with fear.
  • I kept reminding myself, everything will be OK; I started every day as a new day.
  • I asked for help and support from friends with high vibration.

What surprised me was that I had support and help which I did not anticipate.

I spend lots of energy on things that did not happen.  What I have learned in the process can be used for next year to have more presence of mind and peace.

My take away from last year is:

  • Be loving to yourself and others
  • Do your best
  • Stop worrying; is OK not to know everything
  • Let go of attachment to a fixed way to reach your goal
  • Trust the process
  • Ask for help

I wish you a prosperous and joyful year ahead.

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

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