You Matter!

One of the most read popular blogs in the past ten years is titled “You matter”.

Why this subject is so popular?

I think deep down we know our presence matters and makes a difference. However sometimes our mind and our environment creates doubt within us and convince us otherwise.

We are sometimes negligent to acknowledge and express how others matters to us regularly. We may also think that we do not matter, due to our self judgement or arrogance that certain big things matters only.

You matter. You are a miracle. The world needs you the way you are.

Give to others what you expect to receive for yourself. Remind others how they matter to you today!

Give a call to a person you have not heard from lately. Get in touch with a friend that has been quiet on social media and indicate how they matter to you. Tell a loved one how they matter to you. Share your smile with a stranger in the grocery store.

 

You Matter!

What you do makes a difference.

What you do matters
no matter how trivial it is to you.

Your smiles matter.

Your silence matters.

Your intentions matter.

Your playfulness matters.

Your attitude matters.

Your stories matter.

Your words
even though few in number, matter.

Your helping hand matters
even if was only stretched out
for two seconds.

You make a difference.

You matter.

Copyright 2018 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Feelings, Mind, Nurturing, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Searching For Love

“Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”  ~Rumi

What are the barriers that Rumi is referring to?

Can it be our limiting beliefs, expectations, past hurts and our arrogance?

Love like Sun does not go away. It is always there. If we do not see or feel it then is due to some barrier rather than its absence.

Personally, I have experienced love when I have let go of expectation of how and from whom it should come from (form of arrogance on my part).

If you feel you do not have enough love in your life, what should happen so that you receive more love?

Maybe your answer is:

  • When I am a better person
  • When I have more money
  • When I lose weight
  • When my children are happier
  • When 1000 people tell me I am lovable
  • When I am healthier
  • When I publish my book
  • When I find my soul mate
  • When he/she apologizes

All the answers above, in my opinion, are the barriers to receiving love.

If love knocked on our door today, since our conditions are not met we will recognize and reject that which crave the most for.

Drop the expectation, requirements and conditions which are like a shield and barrier.  Open your heart, go in the world and you will feel the warmth that is seeking you.

Copyright @2018 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Feelings, love, receiving, Rocks | Leave a comment

Day that Everything Will be OK

How would you feel if you knew everything in your life will be OK, no matter what is happening?

What would you do differently if you knew that?

Would you be calmer? Smile more? Be more truthful? Have more courage?

How a belief and knowing can be so powerful that can change our reaction and how we may live?

You may say, come on.” Nobody knows if that is the case. I do not like to accept possible pain and suffering because of belief that may be good for me later.”

Fair enough.  How much pain and suffering do you currently experience by worrying and judging events as bad and threatening? Are you aware of how much energy you spend on that daily?

Let us talk this concept into reality and experience.

Pick a day and on that day pretend everything happening is for your own good and is OK. This includes, the loud dog barks early in the morning, slow drivers and angry co-worker, etc. Just observe and be present without judging.

Take inventory of your mood, ease and stress experienced that day and compare it with another comparable day.

What are your findings? Please share.

Copyright @2018 by Shervin Hojat

 

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Feelings, Nurturing | Leave a comment

What are you holding on?

When we hold to an emotion by avoiding fully feeling it and do not process it, we lose clarity of our heart, mind and action.

You may have seen someone that was hurt by unfairness and they themselves are acting unfairly to others.

You may have seen someone who hates being judged and themselves are very judging of others.

You may have seen someone complain about bad drivers and themselves show the same behavior.

You may have had a bad day (someone was very rude to you) and then you yell at your loved one at home for any simple excuse.

What can be one reason?

When we do not resolve our hurt of unfairness, judgement or rudeness, etc. we suppress it into pain or anger or fear. Then from point of those emotions we justify the same behavior that we terribly disliked. It is avoidance of facing the original hurt and instead focusing on others to numb our own unresolved hurt. Sometimes we may even turn the anger toward ourselves internally.

To minimize suffering and confusion, is important to observe our actions and honestly question our motivations and emotions regarding our actions and reactions.

Is our actions based fear, anger, pain or love?

Are we willing to face our repressed emotions?

Are we willing to be honest with ourselves and others?

Remember, whatever we repress we get to keep as our master.

Copyright @2018 by Shervin Hojat

 

Posted in Feelings, love, Nurturing | Leave a comment

The Gatekeeper

I had a dialogue and encounter with my gatekeeper that I like to share with you. Perhaps. It may help you get to know your own gatekeeper better.

You may ask who the gatekeeper is.

Gatekeeper is part of you who wants to protect you, is scared and is in survival mode.

Last week, I had one of the moments of deep sadness and though/feeling of being helpless.   I confided with my friend about it. During the conversation I used many words like “I do not want to be helpless” or “I do not want to be sad”. After realizing my areas of resistances and during meditation afterwards, I faced my gatekeeper.

As I was allowing myself to be sad, feel helpless and feel them in my body, I felt the gatekeeper. He was very scared. He was worried to lose control if flood of emotions were felt in my body. He was literally blocking my energy centers like a dictator.

All of sudden, I felt angry and had a serious conversation with the tiny gatekeeper.

– Who are you to decide what I can feel or not feel?

– Who gave you the authority to censor things on my behalf?

– Why you cause me so much pain under cover of protection?

All of sudden, a gush of energy flowed in my lower energy centers. I felt intense heat all over my body. I felt alive. In midst of chaos I felt calm.

I realized that it was not the feeling of sadness and being helpless that was painful to me but resistance to feel (through the gatekeeper) that caused my pain and agony.

Next time that you feel out of sort and exhausted. Get help. Become aware of your inner and outer dialogues.

Is it the gatekeeper manipulating things? Take charge and do the right thing.

Copyright @ 2018 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Feelings, Nurturing | Leave a comment

How to Get Unstuck?

How do feel stuck in our lives?

We get stuck by trying to be perfect, wanting to be 100% certain of results, avoid iterations and avoid being uncomfortable.

How do we get unstuck?

We get unstuck by moving and action. We do not take any random action. We take inspired action in direction of what makes our heart happy. Remember any small inspired step is better than not moving at all.

If you want change your career, take the small steps toward it without waiting for a guarantee of outcome. Learn new things, update your resume, and move forward with your search. Every step, even a rejection after an interview is a step toward your goal.

If you want a better relationship, take small steps toward that goal. Get to know yourself. Be more authentic, be considerate and get out of your comfort zone. Remember rejection is also a step toward your ultimate goal.

Get unstuck by moving and inspired actions. Take the short walk. Become vulnerable. Make the phone call. Talk to the stranger. Ask the question. Explore the unknown.

Look for the guidance along the way.

Copyright @2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Tools/Techniques | Leave a comment

Chasing A Butterfly

I do photography and I am very fortunate in taking pictures of butterflies close up. How do I do it?

I do not chase the butterflies. I find a place near flowers, relax and sit without any expectation or thoughts. Then the butterfly appears and lands near me for a picture. If I am tense I do not attract any butterflies.

Our happiness is like a butterfly. If we are tense and angry and chase our happiness we will never catch it. We will feel tired and disappointed. If we sit down, relax, release anger, resentment and do what we enjoy doing then butterfly of happiness will land near us.

Release, enjoy what you love to do and the beautiful butterfly will find you!

Copyright @2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Feelings | Leave a comment

You are Not Flawed!!!

You thoughts and beliefs may be flawed, not you!!!

We, all as small children, accept certain thoughts and beliefs. For example, if we heard that our parents were fighting with each other and we head our names, we assumed that we have caused the fight and we were the source of disharmony. This may have caused us feel guilt or shame in us.

As children, out of love and purity of our hearts, we may have decided to fix the situation based on the false beliefs. We may have decided to obey our parents at any expense so there is no fight at home. We may have decided to punish ourselves for being bad or flawed by ignoring our needs.

After 40, 50 or 60 years we may still be repeating the same patterns and may be miserable. We may easily accept blame or ignore our needs.

When you find out what flawed beliefs you have accepted, and why, you will plant the seed of freedom in you. You can look at the flawed beliefs and observe how they have repeated themselves with various people in your life.

At one point you may even start having compassion and love for the child within you that out of goodness of his/her heart tried to solve a complex problem. And most importantly, after so many years realizing that you are not flawed just your beliefs are.

Copyright @2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Open Your Heart!

We have many energy blockages as the result of our unresolved emotions.  The blockages do not allow us to have our heart open completely and experience life fully.

Let say if someone was mean to you and you did not let go of feeling of hurt right away. You kept thinking how dare he could be so mean or insensitive? You are consumed by your thoughts and you are holding on the energy of hurt and resentment and hence created a blockage. You walk outside, you do not notice the beautiful flowers, the smile of strangers because you have closed your heart due to that blockage.

Let us assume we create more blockages as time goes by. All of sudden you notice that you do not enjoy simple things like the flowers or the ocean or the tress. You do not have time for them or do not feel like it. You wonder why others get so excited about flowers, trees and ocean. Others see and smell the same thing you see and smell, but they most likely have less blocked energy than you.

How do you unblock the energies you have accumulated?

  • You have to become aware of change in your energy when something is triggered. Someone may say something that remind you of the first time you felt hurt. You need to distinguish if feeling of hurt is from that person in present or a memory of blocked hurt.
  • As soon as you identified the blockage, remember that you are not the hurt. You are only experiencing feeling of hurt. Let the feeling of hurt or sadness flow through your body and acknowledge releasing it.

As you become more aware of your triggered emotions, you can release them with more ease and hence open up your heart for more of life experiences.

Copyright @2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Share Your Smile!

The best things are the simplest ones. This includes how we interact with the world.

We think we have to donate thousands of dollars to a cause or buy an expensive gift in order to have a significant impact. That is not true. Such thoughts are sabotaging our efforts to do something significant daily.

Smiles are our biggest assets. We usually do not share our smiles freely with people except sometimes with little children.

I remember times when I have been sad or even depressed and a stranger smiled at me as he/she passed by. That simple act was very significant to me in that moment such that I still remember those simple acts, while I may not remember expensive present friends or family may have bought me in the past.

A smile is a form of unconditional love. It says no matter what you are going through, things will get better. It also says I see you and you are not alone.

Do an experiment.  Next time when you go to a grocery store intentionally smile at people!!! Many people may not even notice your smile or even turn their faces away. It will worth it when you smile at a stranger who needed it and he/she will remember your smile for a long time.

Share your love through a smile. It is simple and yet it is significant.

Copyright @2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Life Is Not Fair!

For whatever reason at times life does not seem to be nice or fair to us. How do we deal with such unfairness?

As much as cliché that it may sound we have choices how to respond.

For example, if I lose my job. Even though the loss was not my choice, how I respond is my choice.

What are my choices?

– I can choose to be sad.
– I can choose to be bitter.
– I can choose to be scared.
– I can choose to blame.
– I can choose to give up on life.
– I can choose to take it easy for a while.
– I can choose to aggressively look for a job.
– I can choose to see it as a blessing in getting a more fulfilling job.
– And many other choices

Out of the above choices what choice would you make?

I do not think there is one choice that solves the issue. You may make many choices over time as appropriate.

No matter what you decide to choose, ask yourself the following questions:

– Will your choice today make you happy or content tomorrow?
– Is the choice the best you can do today?

No matter what you choose, if that is the best you can do today, you will feel happy and fulfilled today and even tomorrow.

Have faith that the best is still ahead of you, do not give up and do your best today.

Copyright @2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Loving and connecting with yourself

What is one effective way to love and connect with yourself?

In my experience, it is acknowledgement of what we feel is the key. It is generally OK to share and express our happiness.  Therefore, I will focus on our repressed emotions which is not cool to share or acknowledge.

It is about acknowledging our loneliness, fear and pain that we are feeling. It is acknowledgement without judging, blaming, analyzing or trying fixing it.

Acknowledgement is like listening to a part of you that desperately, for many years, wants to be heard and noticed. It is the same acknowledgement we show to our best friend or our pet when they are hurting. We are to listen and be present for them.

How do we know what is repressed?

Be on lookout for repressed emotion by:

– Observing who triggers you and why?

– Observing the pain and tension in your body and going back to your thoughts prior to the pain

Be open to share your observation and feelings with a friend or a therapist or a good coach.

As you acknowledge old and repressed emotions, they will be released.  You may shed intense tears or release the emotions through heat in your body or many other ways. You may have never noticed or expressed or acknowledged the pain within before, be gentle and brave and let it come out.

After such a release, you will feel much lighter because a heavy emotional weight has been lifted. You also have connected with part of you that needed your attention. Finally, you know yourself by knowing your deepest and most sacred desires (your hurts point to them) and that is part of loving yourself.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

 

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How to Love Yourself More?

Why is that we may love and respect others more than ourselves? Why is it that we are kinder and gentler with others than ourselves?

Although typically we are harder on ourselves, this does not answer the above question.

Have you met someone who appears to be “perfect” and you do not like them because they do not come across real? Have you met someone who has many flaws and you connect with them because they come across real?

Why do you not treat yourself with love, respect and kindness?  Perhaps you see through your own facade that you are putting up to be liked or are pretending to be somebody that you are not. Perhaps you hide and ignore your feelings and vulnerabilities. Perhaps you do not like dishonesty and do not like to hide. Maybe you want to love the real you with all the beauty and flaws without fear and shame.

The big question is how to love and respect yourself more?

As you become honest with yourself regarding your feelings, be it anger, hurt, fear or love you will appreciate and respect yourself more for your honesty, vulnerability and courage.

As you find and acknowledge your true passions and things that you do not care about, you will acknowledge and love yourself more.

Finally, as you become comfortable in your imperfect body, and you do not choose to be anyone but yourself despite your flaws and shortcomings, you will be on path of loving  and respecting yourself more.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Feelings, love, Tools/Techniques | Leave a comment

The Patient’s House-mates

The patient is living with her house-mates, in a secure, big, fancy yellow house.

The care-givers are mostly from Africa, kind, tough, passionate and greeting each other with hugs and kisses.

Danny, the cat, is keeping calm in the chaotic house as an under-cover healer.

The occupants, those who cannot walk, collectively sitting in a room watching sitcoms. Nobody is laughing.

Mornings are the best of times. After a good rest, breakfast, fresh drugs and everyone is dozing off.

Worst of times are around 4 PM. The ghost of fear and anxiety awakens everyone.

The house-mates all have their own unique reaction. Some fighting their reality, some creating their own, some have surrendered and some have already checked out, occasionally visiting their feeble bodies for food and medication.

There is the woman with a dark hair and piercing eyes whose mission is to close all the open doors all day long. Yet never seen at the dining table.

The fragile woman sitting crooked in her wheel chair, amazingly eating her food on her own like a little bird. When nobody is around, she is chewing on her tiny pillow (her back support) to keep nurtured.

Around 4 PM, the white-haired woman with puffy green eyes screaming loudly “Take me home. They are waiting for me”, can be heard in every corner of big yellow house. It takes 20 minutes to have medication kick in.

The patient, agitated by all the noise and screams. Saying, “Enough is enough. Don’t they understand how to be quiet?”. Calmed down only by smile and touches of her caregivers.

Nancy, soft spoken angel like face who sits quietly in her wheel chair for hours. Softly arguing, “I ate too much at breakfast, I cannot eat now”.

The younger guy who still is fighting the system, pacing back and forth from his dinner table to the phone on the wall next to the elevator. Pressing some buttons on the phone, but nobody is answering on the other end. Disappointed, he leaves the phone off the hook and walks back to table to have a bite of food and try calling again.

The old man, frozen like a tall statue, in a wheel chair, must be well-to-do, mostly with a private nurse. Following the orders: open your mouth, chew, stay here. Hearing the nurse complementing him, “you eat well.”

The scary big man, on a walker, screaming “Please pray. Pray for my sister, she is not well; they took her to hospital”. Perhaps he is referring to his house-mate who ambulance took earlier that morning. Not clear if she is his sister or not.

The caregivers, trying to be strong and patient. Repeating words like, “sit please”, “come here”, “do you want a cookie?”

The old man, telling his new visitor that he likes it here. Stating that he only stays here on weekdays. The new visitor grins as he looks away.

The old woman, smiling back at the stranger when he smiled at her. Thinking for a moment that perhaps she is not forgotten after all.

The patient hugging the smiling caregiver, putting her head over care-giver’s chest like a child who just found her lost mother, and does not want to let go of her mother. After a while, on separation, they look at each other and tell each other “I love you.”

The woman in a wheel chair, in her large private suite, with picture of many smiling family members on her door, using her legs to move around the corridors in her wheelchair. It does not seem she has found what she was looking for yet.

The patient, pointing at the younger caregiver in the hallway, saying with an accent “you are my daughter”. Care giver smiles and replies, “you are my mama.”

All the man and woman, once were powerful mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, brothers or sisters. Now they are in a different world and reality. No matter how scary it may seem, at least it is safest and most predicable part of their lives. The community, the occasional visitors with their latte, the regular cookies to calm nerves, occasional hugs and kisses, the  4 PM screams and the familiar blank faces.

 

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in compassion, consciousness, Discovery, Feelings, love | Leave a comment

Does it Really Matter?

You may be feeling overwhelmed and stuck. Your mind may be racing and you are not able to focus during the day or sleep at night.

How can you manage this challenging situation?

One needs to re-focus on the big picture.

List all the issues that are bothering you.

Assume that your life ends in six months.

Which of those issues are important if you had six months to live?

Which issues you need to pay more attention which you are not currently paying attention to?

Do you feel any different as the result of this exercise? Is your focus different now?

Sometimes when we are in our head and we are in state of fight or flight, we may feel like a victim and very confused and stuck.

Focusing on what is really important and things that still matter in six months or more are pointers to refining our focus and attention. By doing so, you may realize that other issues that were bothering you are now less severe, and perhaps you have no control over them.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Nurturing, Tools/Techniques | Leave a comment

I Have No Choice

How do you react to a situation that you want it to change and you feel you cannot do it?  What is your internal dialogue?

You are unhappy in your current job and feel a lot of stress. What do you say to yourself? “I am stuck at this job. I have to pay the bills. I have no choice.”

You are unhappy with traffic in your city. What do you say to yourself? “I am stuck here because of my kid’s school, I hate it and I have no choice.”

What areas of your life do you feel you do not have any choices? What areas of your life do you feel you have some choices?

In reality, we all have choices and we may not like consequences of some of our choices such as uncertainty of moving or changing jobs.

You are not stuck with no choice. You most likely have choices. You may not like the consequence of some of your choices.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Mind | Leave a comment

Feeling Vs Being

For many us, including myself, our known and safe world is changing rapidly. Many of our hidden fears are coming to surface to be resolved and we may feel overwhelmed due to them. The good news is that in middle of what appears to be very chaotic, we can have a positive impact.

It is important to express how you feel and keep a boundary between who you are with what you are feeling.

When I say, “I am sad” I am stating a state of permanent being which I am re-enforcing with my word and associated emotion. When I say “I feel sad” I am expressing and acknowledging my feeling. If you repeat the words “I am sad” and “I feel sad” they have a different energy.

Next time, when you are alone or talking with a friend instead of saying:

– I am sad
– I am tired
– I am a failure
– I am not lovable

Say:

– I feel sad
– I feel tired
– I feel like a failure
– I feel not loved

It is OK to feel sad, angry, tired, worthless and as a failure. This is part of our human experience. These feelings are indicators of what we desire and expressing them are part of path to our emotional and spiritual growth.

Feel those feelings lovingly without judgement. Listen to them as a caring parent listens to a child that needs to be heard and acknowledged.

Remember, you are much more than what you feel. Do not confuse your feelings with state of your being.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Discovery, Feelings, Nurturing, Tools/Techniques | Leave a comment

Answer Within You

You probably have heard the phrase “the answer is within you.”

It is comforting to know that we all have the answer within us. Also, it is frustrating if we do not hear the answer clearly. How do we tap into the answers within?

We typically have answers to other people’s problems and we are generous to share the solution with them, if asked. We can use the same technique and process to find the answer within.

Put yourself in a relaxed and meditative state and pretend someone asking you the following question: “What advice would you give to <choose a name> if he/she was in the same situation as yourself?”

You will be surprised how understanding, wise and loving your answer is. That is the answer from within. Listen and follow wisdom of your own answer.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Love Language

We all have a different impression of what love should look like and that definition evolves as we grow and learn from our experiences. Gary Chapman author of the Five Love Languages suggests that affirmations, quality time, gifts, service and physical touch are five ways we feel loved. It is also suggested each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Typically people give love the way they want to receive it.

There are many times that two people may not have the same primary or secondary love language. For example, one person may expect “gift giving” as primary sign of love, while the other may expect “quality time” as primary sign of love.

It is possible two people give love their own way and none of them feel loved enough and both become frustrated and disconnected.

What can be done to have a more fulfilling relationship?

  1. Find out your own love language
  2. Find out your partner’s love language
  3. Give love the way your partner expects
  4. Communicate often about each other’s needs and expectations

 

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

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Ordering From Menu

If you are hungry and go to your favorite restaurant, how will your order your food?  Will you tell  the waitress: “I do not want to eat hamburger, I got sick when I ate one last year in an airport” “I do not want spaghetti it gave me hurt burn in restaurant across from you”  “I do not like pies I once choked on a big piece when I was three”  and so on …

If you said yes, I have to ask you if you are really serious about eating and why you have not ordered anything yet.

The above scenario happens for many of us in the restaurant of life. How many times while we desire a change in our lives, we make a list of what we do not want?  What is the reason that we do not express what we desire clearly? We all have free will. Universe only gives us what we desire (the first step is to verbalize it).

What we desire in our lives is like ordering from a menu in a restaurant. Ask for what you desire rather than what you do not want. It is more rewarding and more enjoyable to visualize and create a yummy feeling of what you desire than what you do not want.

Copyright @ 2017 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in consciousness, Discovery, Feelings, Nurturing, Tools/Techniques | Leave a comment