The gatekeeper

I had a dialogue and encounter with my gatekeeper that I like to share with you. Perhaps. It may help you get to know your own gatekeeper better.

You may ask who the gatekeeper is.

Gatekeeper is part of you who wants to protect you, is scared and is in survival mode.

Last week, I had one of the moments of deep sadness and though/feeling of being helpless. I confided with my friend about it. During the conversation I used many words like “I do not want to be helpless” or “I do not want to be sad”. After realizing my areas of resistances and during meditation afterwards, I faced my gatekeeper.

As I was allowing myself to be sad, feel helpless and feel them in my body, I felt the gatekeeper. He was very scared. He was worried to lose control if flood of emotions were felt in my body. He was literally blocking my energy centers like a dictator.

All of sudden, I felt angry and had a serious conversation with the tiny gatekeeper.

– Who are you to decide what I can feel or not feel?

– Who gave you the authority to censor things on my behalf?

– Why you cause me so much pain under cover of protection?

All of sudden, a gush of energy flowed in my lower energy centers. I felt intense heat all over my body. I felt alive. In midst of chaos I felt calm.

I realized that it was not the feeling of sadness and being helpless that was painful to me but resistance to feel (through the gatekeeper) that caused my pain and agony.

Next time that you feel out of sort and exhausted. Get help. Become aware of your inner and outer dialogues.

Is it the gatekeeper manipulating things? Take charge and do the right thing.

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