Love and Respect

Do love and respect go together?

Can you love yourself and have no respect for self?

Can you love  the environment and not to respect it by damaging it?

Can you love someone and not show respect by not being present with them?

What are different aspects of respect?

  • Listening
  • Being present
  • Empathy
  • Honesty
  • Help
  • Kindness
  • Being considerate
  • Freedom to choose

If  I have issues with other people respecting me and my boundaries, then perhaps I need to re-evaluate my own self-respect.

Do I  listen to myself?

I am present with myself?

Do I have empathy for myself?

Do I treat myself kindly?

Am I honest with myself on how I feel?

Do I give myself freedom to choose?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Discovery, love, Nurturing, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Change and Chaos

How do we respond in times of change and chaos?

Put it mildly, many things are uncertain. Many of pillars that we rested our peace of mind on may be gone or crumbling.

We may dread watching the news. Our friends may not be as social as before. We may feel emotionally and physically exhausted. We may feel lonely.

What we are going through is a catalyst to know ourselves and grow. 

Look back at past few months. You have made it so far. You have adapted. You are stronger as the result.

We do not have control on many of the events. We have control on how we respond.

The best form of response is being in high vibration as much as possible.

The following reminders has helped me to raise my vibration which I hope they help you too:

  • Find things to be grateful about.  Remember our lives are about opportunities to grow and learn.
  • Remember pain point for everyone is different; What may be easy to deal with for you, may be very difficult for others.
  • Lower your expectation of how others should respond to you. Do not take things personally.
  • Be lovingly specific on what you need from others or what you can provide.
  • Be flexible. Plan and if things change, do not lose your peace of mind.
  • Do not get trapped in one perspective. Constantly ask Universe to help you see what you need for your growth.
    • When you want to pick fruits from a tree, you do not stay in one place and pick the fruit of that section only. You move around and with each new perspective there are new findings. This concept applies to many aspects in our lives as well.
  • Give others what you want to receive.
    •  If you want to be understood, make attempt to understand others.
    • If you want others around you be positive, you be positive.
    • If you want others be kind, you be kind in actions and words.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Love and Action

“Love without action is meaningless and action without love is irrelevant.” – Deepak Chopra

Action and love need to go together (with awareness) for our spiritual growth.

What are some actions related to love?

· Acceptance of the other person- it is not about fixing them.

· Being present with them.

· Being vulnerable to verbalize your love

  • Many people’s dream is to hear ‘I love you’ from their loved ones.
  • Verbalizing love is a good start.

· Acting in their love language

  • If someone loves flowers, showing your love by getting them power tools is not a very effective way to communicate that love.

Why action without (unconditional) love is irreverent?

· Any action based on vibration lower than love, can only reflect the energy that was put into.

  • Unconditional love brings out that energy in giver and receiver
  • Acting with expectations most often produces disappointment, resentment and anger. Recall a time that you may have given and later felt resentful because you expected something in return and did not receive in kind.

· If an action does not propel us toward raising our vibration, is self-defeating and not in our highest good.

I invite you to ponder about people whom you love (including yourself).

Is there an action you need to take to communicate your love more effectively toward yourself or others?

What would change if you acted toward yourself or loved ones with more unconditional love?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Tribute To A Friend

Last Wednesday, a friend texted me with a sad news. He broke the shocking news that our common friend, Balmiki, who I have worked with in two companies – has unexpectedly passed away.

Bakmiki, was one of my few friends who I had at my work.  We had common passion for nature, photography and poetry.

We had enjoyable times walking, sharing pictures we have taken and talking about books we have enjoyed reading.

I had to ponder why I felt so sad from the news?  I have not talked to him for more than one  year since he moved to another city.

I realized that when we talked with each other, we were often laughing and exchanging ideas. 

Whenever I think of Balmiki, smile comes to my face.

Some reflections on my friend’s sudden passing:

  • Do not take anything for granted, focus only on important things.
  • By sharing our passion, we share joy with others.
  • Quality of our interactions is dependent on how present we are.
  • We remember people by how they make us feel.

Rest in peace my dear friend.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

On Manipulation

Manipulation is a way to control and direct others to have a certain desired behavior.

Some reasons for manipulation is lack of effective communication, lack of awareness and lack of honesty.

Some tactics used for manipulation are:

  • Fear/mis-information
  • Urgency
  • Shame
  • Guilt
  • Various forms of Rewards

If we are not conscious, we all will participate in such manipulative games.

If we are conscious and have a sense of who we are, then impact of such tactics are minimum on us.

As children we may be ‘directed’ by fear, shame or guilt for own protection. As adults same may apply.

What can we do in this regard?

  • The only way to improve things is to start with ourselves.  
  • Contemplate on how much you may manipulate others and through what means.
  • Contemplate through what mechanism you are most likely to be manipulated (fear, shame, praise…).
  • Only give and share when you have no agenda. This means you do not have fixed expectation of correcting other people’s behavior to your own liking.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

How to Respond

Imagine something unexpected happens. Your travel plans get cancelled. Your income is reduced, or an unexpected illness is encountered.

The default reaction is to get very upset and say why me? It does not seem to be fair! You have gone through a lot already and this was the last thing you needed. Your every step of recovery is encountered by constant grief and resistance to moving on.

You may also respond by acknowledging the loss and then turn the situation into wonder! You may wonder what gifts this difficult situation may bring you (remember Universe is on your side).  Of course, you may not know the answer yet, but changing your focus has several quick benefits.

With the above mindset, you are not bitter, you are more creative, and you are more relaxed. People around you respond with more ease and care towards you. The recovery step is surprisingly more pleasant than expected.

This concept is not just a theory. It has worked for me and I have experienced benefits of it.

Perhaps this approach can work for you too. You need to put it into practice to find out.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

The Invisible

The invisible enemy or friend?

The enemy who is everywhere and nowhere.

The enemy who is not detected by your normal senses.

The enemy who does not discriminate based on language or color or wealth.

The enemy who can bring physical death and pain.

The enemy who physically separates you from friends and family.

The enemy who disrupts what is familiar, comfortable and secure.

The enemy who honors no boundaries.

The enemy who is cunning and adaptable.

The enemy who can bring the worst in you.

The enemy who relies on your worry and fear to weaken your defenses.

The invisible enemy or friend?

The friend who reminds you to be humble.

The friend who reminds you to take responsibility for your boundary.

The friend who reminds you that your actions and thoughts matter.

The friend who reminds you not to take any moment for granted.

The friend who invites you to reflect on what is dearly important to you.

The friend who invites you to overcome the ultimate obstacle- your deepest fears.

The friend who invites you to go within and become your own friend.

The friend who invites you to take more responsibility for self.

The friend who makes your bonds with friends and family stronger.

The friend who makes invisible – visible.

The friend who invites you to be more resilient and creative.

The friend who brings the best in you.

The friend who helps you realize that we are in it together.

The friend who is a catalyst for more growth, faith, courage and love.

The invisible who you can love and hate at the same time!

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Life Purpose

What is my life purpose?

This is a question that sooner or later comes up and we like to have a heartfelt answer for it.

“I am getting older and still do not know what I want and what purpose I have.”

“What used to make me happy, no longer does. Why am I here?”

Does it sound familiar?

There is an unspoken agreements among many people, to live your life purpose, you need to be “successful” which is defined by our society, media and our family.

Those outside definitions of success at the end is not fulfilling, if is not defined from within.

I have thought about this subject often and that definition has changed over years.

For me the ultimate success is

  • Knowing myself
  • Accepting myself (loving myself comes later)
  • Being myself
  • Appreciating what is in my life

Can you imagine buying a tool, without knowing anything about it and trying to use it to fulfill its purpose?

Wouldn’t be much easier, to learn about it, accept its functionality, and then best utilize it?

Most people have small/inaccurate view of who they are and that limits living their purpose.

I believe ultimate life purpose is to love and allow to experience love.

We all take a slightly different path to reach that purpose, due to different life experiences and beliefs.

Does living life purpose take effort?  

No. It is like asking if receiving sun rays takes any efforts.

Does reaching to point to live life purpose (removing obstacles) requires effort and sacrifice?

Yes. It is similar to effort required to walking outside a building to receive the sun rays.  

Some obstacles to living our life purpose are: not knowing who we are, beliefs, lack of humility, expectation and judgement.

Some questions to ponder:

What were some of the most joyful moments in your life? What contributed to that experience? How did you contribute to it?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Do We Value Truth?

At what point do we appreciate truth?

I believe that most people support the truth mostly if it does not harm them.

Will a lawyer seek truth at expense of his client’s freedom? 

Will a political party change its position because of discovering the truth? 

Will people at work speak the truth when they perceive their job may be on the line? 

One can understand in situations one hiding the truth to protect self or others from physical harm. What is the justification for hiding or denying the truth from ourselves?

It is said that truth sets you free; yes, only if you let go of ego and let go of defending your past positions.

Many people have invested many years in half-truths and inaccurate ideas; it takes honesty and courage to admit one has made a mistake.

Truth does not have value judgment; it just is. We try to judge it instead of accepting it.

If I do not trust life – that is not good or bad – It just is at this moment;

If I am not happy with my situation – that is not good or bad – It just is at this moment.

When you are hungry you say the truth at that moment about your hunger and there is no judgement.

Why we get offended when someone criticize us when he/she tells the truth?

Why we do not tell the truth when we feel sad, lonely, angry or scared? 

Is fear of judgement from others (position of ego) more important than truth? Isn’t that like being in a small prison cell?

What truths do you deny or judge? Why?

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Unmet Needs

We know nutritious food, exercise, meditation, laughter are all good for us. We also know certain behaviors are not good for us.

When we mention to our friends or family, “You know this is good for you, why you do not do it?”, We hear, “I know!”.

Why we do not do things that benefits us? And do things that are destructive?

One reason, perhaps is that we have unmet needs.

There are some universal needs such as feeling safe, connected, acknowledged, appreciated, heard, valued and loved.

We may not even know what those unmet needs are, but we feel the side effect in our choices.

We may have a need to feel heard. That need may be more important than being civil, not angry or being self-loving.

At subconscious level, we may do things that is not good for us – believing that will help us get what we need.

When someone says, I know this is good for me but I am not doing it. It really means I have unmet needs that are more important to me.

What are things that you know are good for you, you like to do and do not do?

Can you identify one unmet need?

In my experience, when I articulate my unmet needs, there is always an emotional reaction in my body.

Copyright @2020 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Lessons Of The Year

I like to share with you some reflections on 2019.

I was humbled to be wrong so many times during the year. Many of my projections, which logically should have happened, did not happen!

Those issues were all important and related to my sense of well-being and security.

At times I felt scared, worried, frustrated. I pulled myself out of those situations (seemingly like life and death) and reached some sense of peace.

Looking back, these were the common thing that helped me greatly to reduce my suffering:

  • I dropped my desire to have an immediate result; A month or a week is a long time to worry about it today.
  • I focused I what I could do the best today.
  • I accepted probable worst case scenarios, but did not feed them with fear.
  • I kept reminding myself, everything will be OK; I started every day as a new day.
  • I asked for help and support from friends with high vibration.

What surprised me was that I had support and help which I did not anticipate.

I spend lots of energy on things that did not happen.  What I have learned in the process can be used for next year to have more presence of mind and peace.

My take away from last year is:

  • Be loving to yourself and others
  • Do your best
  • Stop worrying; is OK not to know everything
  • Let go of attachment to a fixed way to reach your goal
  • Trust the process
  • Ask for help

I wish you a prosperous and joyful year ahead.

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Doing the Right Thing for The Wrong Reason

Our reasons in doing things matters a lot. Finding out about our real motives is a great way to know ourselves and make necessary changes if we chose so.

Let us look at some reasons for doing something right with two different motives.

–  Reason for helping people

   1- Love to help others

    2- Shows that I have value or want people to like me

–  Reason for Getting married

   1- Share joy together

   2- Feel Lonely

– Reason for having children

   1- Love children

   2- Somebody to take care of me at old age

–  Reason for buying a new home

   1- My dream house

   2- Need to keep up with my siblings

–  Reason for getting into politics

   1- Help others

    2- Cushy job to get wealthy and powerful

-Reason for worshiping God

1-Feel him/her in my heart

2-Fear of punishment

All the above actions are considered right. But its spiritual and psychological quality depends on their reasoning and motives. Unhealthy motives like fear, greed and lack take our joy and inner peace away and leave us empty.

What is one right thing which you do that you think it requires to have a different motivation?

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Saying Yes To You!

Two weeks ago, I was inspired to share some of my recent poetry. I signed up as a speaker for my toastmaster group. I was looking forward to the meeting on that Friday.

On Wednesday afternoon I noticed several missed calls on my phone. I called back the number. It was from a person in my toastmaster. She asked me if I could forfeit my speaking position for two reasons:

       1- She has a speech about Halloween that was very long and required two time slots. 

       2. She did not want her toastmaster friend to worry about another speaker. 

Out of my past habit, I immediately said yes!

After hanging up the phone, I felt very sad about my decision. I was upset at myself and was also resentful. 

I realized I did not had to say yes.

I asked myself, why did I give my spot to someone else while I was excited about my speech?

I realized this was my old habit had kicked in and sabotaged what I wanted to do.  I realized I needed to be more aware of my old tendency.

You may sometimes say “Yes” to others instead of saying “Yes” to yourself. 

How do we get out of such situations?

– Do not commit right away.

– Ask yourself, “Am I saying yes because of inner fear of avoiding external conflict?”

– Focus on what you love to do, when you cannot decide.

I have realized the things I love to do brings me joy and tasks that I feel I have to do sometimes brings me resentment – if it stops me from doing what I love to do.

Being a “nice person” and at the same time being resentful about it is self-defeating.  It is more meaningful being nice to yourself and allowing your joy flow to others instead.

Something to ponder:

Are you committed to do what you love at expense of saying NO to others?

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

If You Had One Day

Sometimes we feel that we are lost in the forest of life and we do not see the big picture or a way to clarity,

There may be many things uncertain, we may not be present (too much mental chatter), be confused and not motivated to do anything.

In such situations, it is important to renew our life perspective and remember what is really meaningful to us.

If for whatever reasons I am unable to be present (through meditation or gratitude), I ponder what would I do if you had one day to live?

This question brings to focus what and who are important to me (gets me out of my head and into my heart).

This answer to that question is more than quitting my job which is about what I do not want to do (go to work).

Such a question brings to surface:

  • What vibration do you want to hold today?
  • Who would you wish to call or visit?
  • Who do you like to tell you love and appreciate?

You will be surprised noticing that there are many meaningful things you can do without much motivation and confusion when you are in your heart space.

After all, there is no guarantee any of us will be around tomorrow.

This it is great way to fulfill our heartfelt wishes today and re-affirm what is really important to us.

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Self-sabotage

How do we self-sabotage?

We know what the right thing to do is, but we do not do it.

For example, we may know that certain food or behavior is not good for us and we need to avoid them. Or we may know certain activity like monitoring our thoughts or exercise is beneficial to us. We even say, “I know” I need to do this.

Why is it that sometimes we are stuck in the status quo?

  1. We get stuck in over analyzing the situation
    • We want to know all the reasons why we behave such a way.
    • We keep focusing on our regret why we are in this situation in the first place.
    • Here is the first step of self-sabotage.
  2. We do not take the first simple step
    • Our mind convince us that our step should be bigger or more meaningful and we buy into it.
    • Here is the second step of self-sabotage.
    • Note that a simple step always is hardest and also is the most rewarding.
  3. We set ourselves for failure by not doing anything constructive towards our goal.
  4. We beat ourselves up for being a failure
    • Here is the ultimate self-sabotage.

Allow me to give you an example of how we may do self-sabotage.

Let us assume you want to do lose 20 Lbs. to feel more fit and happier.

  • You know that you need to be active daily for 45 minutes. But you cannot find that time.
  • You may get upset (and stay upset) at yourself or obsess why you are so unfortunate and others seem to be so happy and fit.
  • This is start of self-sabotage.

How do we break the self-sabotage?

  • Re-iterate the reason why you want to lose weight.
    • Are you doing it for yourself? For others? Someone important to you?
    • Does the reason still excite and motivate you?
    • If not find a better reason or re-evaluate your goal or its method.
  • Start being active for even 3 minutes; show yourself that you are committed to your goal.
  • Celebrate your simple steps.
  • Focus on what feels like when you reach your goal.
  • Look at ways to improve the activity time longer.
  • Find a friend to support and encourage you toward your goal.
  • Always be kind and gentle toward yourself.

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

On becoming Your Best Friend

Will you commit to accept and support yourself no matter what you may experience?

If your answer is yes, congratulations!  You are a great friend to yourself.

If your answer is no or you hesitated a bit, congratulations! There is something to dig deeper if you choose to do so.

Most of us give to others when they need help.

I bet you as a reader of this blog, if you see a friend in the parking lot with a panic attack, you will approach the person and try to comfort them without judging.

The question is why we cannot do the same thing for ourselves? Is it lack of self-love, or arrogance that we should be better than others or something else?

Also, have you ever thought of consequences of not accepting and supporting yourself?

Do you think such a person will feel safe and secure? How about having enough self-confidence?

I have a confession to make! This is what I have done in the past. I did not support myself.

I was not aware of this issue so clearly, but I kept asking myself why I react certain way and often look outside of myself for security, emotional support and encouragement. Over time it became very clear to me why.

For example, if I became angry; I judged myself about feeling angry rather than acknowledging the felling and telling myself I can see why I may feel that way; I also did not tell myself no matter what I am going through I will support the part of me that is upset. It is like talking to your good friend who is upset.

I have started being a better friend to myself. I have noticed a big difference in how I react and feel toward outside events now; I am more calm and confident. I know no matter what happens Shervin has my back.

Are you willing to be your own cheerleader and friend no matter what your situation is?

Are you willing to be committed to yourself without any agenda or conditions?

Are you willing to be your own best friend?

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Feeling Lost

Last week I was late to my dance class due to a late meeting at work. As I was driving to my class, at a stop light, I tried to make a phone call. It made a wrong call and I quickly tried to hang up. I kept tapping on cancel button and nothing seemed to work!

Then all of sudden my phone switched to a different mode. It would not take in my passcode and keep repeating loud what I was typing in.

 I felt panic in my body. I felt lost!

How can I go anywhere without GPS? How can I get hold of anyone? 

I decided not to go dance. I was dealing with an emergency!!! I had to remedy this situation first. I had to find my way to an Apple store to get help. How can I go to store without my phone telling me where to go?

I drove toward direction of mall that had an Apple store. After getting lost for a while and with lots of help I found the store. I ran into store and told the technician that I really need his help!

My phone was switched to visually impaired mode, which literally made me feel lost and disoriented. It was fixed by the technician in few seconds.

I was really shocked at my dependency on something that ten years ago I could function without. 

I realized that I have stopped using my memory and stopped paying attention to how I go to places. I was also surprised on my reaction of feeling lost when I realized I am disconnected from the internet. I realized that I had over delegated too many responsibilities to my phone.

How would you feel if you do not receive phone calls, texts, emails or any news for a day?

Do you feel anxious? Why?

What aspect of your life have you over-delegated and are overly dependent on other things?

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Worst Case Scenarios

I have created many worst-case scenarios in my mind and majority of them have never materialized. They ranged from simple daily concerns to career and financial security.

We sometimes are ‘certain’ that disaster will happen, and as the result we will be embarrassed or will be rejected or will be considered a failure. If we have a strong mind and focus on such events out of fear, it may actually happen!

Certain amount of fear is good to motivate us to act. But obsession with being right about our fears and suffering constantly as a result is not beneficial to our well-being.

Over time, I have learned that my mind plays a fear game on me, if unchecked. It is like watching a horror movie, we expect the scariest scenes as part of movie’s entertainment.

I used to worry about downsizing at work even if the odds was 1 in 500. I remember being very concerned about it and wasting lots of energy on all possibilities prior to announcement.  Now when such concerns show up, I ask myself what vibration I like to experience now? And what action is in my highest interest today?

Look at your past worst-case fears:

–       How did you react to them?

–       Did they materialize?

–       Do react differently to such issues now? Why? 

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Thief of Your Joy

What is the biggest obstacle to experiencing your joy?

Think of past few days about situations when you were upset and lost your joy.

What was the root cause of your loss of joy and peace?

When people and life do not meet our expectations we fight that reality; we may feel entitled to experiencing our expectations; we feel angry; we feel disappointed; we give away our joy as the result.

In my experience, the thief of our joy is our reaction when our expectations are not met. 

Let us look at some simple examples that we may give away our joy:

–  Your children did not call you when expected. 

– You were late to work due to crazy traffic. 

– Plans with your friends changed in the last minute. 

– You do not have enough money saved. 

– Your spouse did not clean up after himself or herself.

– The person on the phone was rude to you.

– You are spiritual and still get grumpy. 

– You are nice to people and they are not nice to you in response.

– People around you do not smile enough.

There is nothing wrong with having some expectations. For example, we expect a level of customer service and competence.

Sometimes our expectations are not spelled out or agreed upon or not practical all the time. How we react when our expectations are not met is the key issue.

Do you give your joy away when your expectations of others are not met or are you calm and respond from position of humility, acceptance, love and freedom?

Some questions to ponder on:

  • What expectations do you have from others/yourself that gives away your joy if not met?
  • Do you think people should behave according to your expectations? Why?
  • Why do you have any expectations at all?

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Worry, Hope and Faith

Worry, hope and faith. We have them all. 

What are they and how are they related?

What worry and hope have in common is future. Worry is about a gloomy future that we try to avoid and control. Hope is an expectation of good future that we desire to reach.

Faith can be like an anchor that can keep us satisfied and steadfast in the present, no matter what circumstance we are dealing with.

Having a choice between worry and hope we need to choose hope. Hope brings us energy and optimism that we need to take action.

Faith is based on strong belief. Some beliefs are disabling.  Some beliefs can gives us strength in uncertain times.

Consider the belief, “No matter what is happening I will be OK”. This is a very valuable belief when we are dealing with fearful and unknown situations in life. With such a faith, we are calmer and can think clearly. Difficult situation will have less of impact on us because we believe we are/will be OK.

Imagine, being strong and unshaken in a world with so much uncertainty and challenges. Wouldn’t that living be more enjoyable and productive?

Take a look at your worries, hopes and beliefs. Your hopes and worries are related to quality of your belief.

Is there something about your belief that you can upgrade to experience more freedom and joy?

Copyright @2019 by Shervin Hojat

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments