Being Selfish

Do not be selfish! This is maybe a great way for someone to get something from you and you allow that person to manipulate you. Most people do not like to be called “selfish”. Why not?

Analyze the word selfish.  If you are not supposed to be yourself who should you be like?  Why being yourself is so offensive to others? Why do you get offended to be yourself?

Some people define a selfish person as one looking only for positive feelings:

• If you cannot tolerate somebody being sad and you help that person, is it a selfish or selfless act?
• If you are angry at injustice and you spend your money to get even, is it selfish or selfless act?
• If a person desires happiness is this a selfish act?
• Is a religious person selfish or selfless for wanting to be closer to God?

Some people define selfish as one that only cares about his/her needs:

• Is wanting material things in this life selfish and wanting rewards for hereafter not selfish?
• Is a mother that tries to over protect her child selfish or selfless? (What is her motivation?)
• Is a father that forces his children excel at sports selfish or selfless? (What is his motivation?)
• Is wanting a nice house and better heath selfish? (Who decides?)

Some people define selfish as a person that ignores other people’s feelings and needs.

• Is someone who is proud of his/her accomplishments a selfish person? It may offend other people’s feelings.
• If someone who dresses nicely a selfish person? Other people may get offended.
• If your accent offends other people. Are you selfish?
• If your circle of friends offends other people are you being selfish?
• If your political opinion offends other people are you selfish?

If you think you are not selfish then you are most likely in denial! List five great “unselfish” acts that you have done and directly or indirectly you have not benefited from it.

“Selfish” or “selfless” person is judged by society. Many “selfish” or “selfless” acts depend on intention and not how it is perceived by people. Most people cannot know our true intention for a “selfless” act.

If I give away money many people may see it as selfless act. But is it in really? What if my intention is to get attention and appreciation?

When a mother gives her son for adoption is it a selfish act? What if she loves her son enough that she wants him to have a better life?

If a mother that keeps her son (instead of giving him for adoption) while knowing that she is not able to take care of him well a selfless person?

We are all selfish! The question is what motivates us to be selfish.  What is driving our selfishness? Is it fear, arrogance, anger, insecurity, greed, or love, self-worth, trust or compassion?

It seems that if we are selfish and we are aligned with love, self-worth, honesty, truth and compassion then our soul will grow and people will benefit from our selfishness. Otherwise, people may benefit from our selfish act and even adore us and yet we never have the true joy and satisfaction within.

Copyright @2015 by Shervin Hojat