We all have some sort of insecurity. We may not want to feel our insecurity and therefore replace feeling our insecurity with doing or owning things. We may buy into beliefs such that with enough knowledge, degrees, status, money, friends, and things our insecurities will go away. This is a never ending game, since “enough” of something today may not be sufficient tomorrow; as our circumstances change, so do our needs.
You may know people whose doing and having solution has not resolved their insecurity. Do you know anyone who is an expert on a subject and that expertise has not touched their own life? Do you know of any healers who have not healed their own pains and hurts? Do you know of any intimacy experts who are not intimate with anybody?
Have you ever had an encounter with raccoons? I am fascinated by raccoons. I became interested in raccoons when I was camping inOklahoma. They visited our supplies one night and had a great feast. We had made sure our supplies were secure. They kept testing our resolve the following nights.
I started admiring raccoons. I even painted a raccoon to express how much I admire their nature. They are smart, curious, creative, and focused. These are also some attributes that are required to succeed in today’s world.
Have you ever caught yourself saying, today is going to be a miserable day and you were correct? Have you ever predicted a great day and you were correct? We may not have control over events in our daily life; however, how we react to events and people is under our control. Our attitudes and thoughts accepted as “truth” drives our positive/negative experiences.
Attitudes and beliefs are like clothing. If we are conscious of them being dirty or the wrong color we can change them to benefit us. In the morning, improve your mood by doing something relaxing and calming before starting your day (clean clothing). Inspect your thoughts and emotions (your perspective for the day -accessories). Ask yourself, who would I be today without this thought? What changes will I notice if I forgive someone? What emotion can I express cleanly in person or in mediation to clear myself?
In the context of Tending to Your Garden within, it is important to be aware of our thoughts and associated feelings. Questioning our thoughts and processing our emotions (not bottling them up) will increase the chances of enjoying our day with less drama and suffering. The following poem describes this concept further.
Bryon Katie is one of my favorite authors. She provides simple techniques to question our thoughts and beliefs. One of her core messages is: when we argue with “what is”, we suffer.
Take a minute and think about issues that you may be suffering. Most likely, you are fighting “what is” and focusing on “what should be”. Some of the thoughts and beliefs are based on what you understood and accepted as a child. Perhaps this is a thought and/or belief that has persisted in your parents and grand parents as well.
Just consider a simple belief, “it should be cooler outside”, fighting what is; versus “it is hot outside”, stating what is. Which one is more stressful? You may have a belief that, “Family and friends should always help me”; versus reality (what is), “I received help from two people and I am grateful for it”. Observe how such simple beliefs bring us grief and suffering without doing anything positive for us. We need to question our thoughts (ask is it true?) and ask ourselves who we would be without such thoughts. Most likely the answer will be a happier and more joyful person without those thoughts and beliefs.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to reduce stress in our garden within by questioning thoughts and beliefs that we have accepted as truth.
Can you name your companions? You may name your mate, friends, parents or kids. Are they truly your companions? Most people think companions are only people. In reality we spend the majority of our time with our thoughts as our companions.
How much time do you spend with your companions? Do you spend thirty minutes, an hour or two hours with friends and family? Who are your companions the rest of day? Can you name them? Are they thoughts and feelings? Are they focused on anger, worry, resentment, lack, victimhood, gratitude, creativity or being present?
Observe your thoughts and feelings for a couple of days and find out what types of companions you spend your waking time with. You may be surprised who your companions are.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to find out what kinds of companions reside in our garden within. Are our companions serving our highest good, have they served their purpose, or are they harming us? The following poem describes this concept further.
Our Companions
Who are your companions?
They are many.
Observe your thoughts for a moment.
The types of thoughts that visit your head are your companions.
Do not judge a book by its cover. We may meet someone who is very calm in appearance and think they have it all together. In reality they may be acting calm (poker face) as a way to appear strong and in control. Some people express emotions with ease. Many people hold back their emotions to appear proper, in control, look strong or avoid ridicule by others.
The defensive facade of appearing strong and in control takes lots of energy. Such exhaustive defense mechanisms can only be temporary and have many negative implications. It is well known that holding our emotions in tight control and not expressing them cleanly can create emotional and physical injury to us. Do we invest our energy to prop up a façade or do we invest our energy to heal ourselves emotionally and physically? Do we recognize this defensive mechanism in ourselves and people close to us?
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to become aware of why we create “protective” walls in our garden within and then question if such walls still serve their purpose. The poem below describes this protective mechanism further.
Seemingly Calm
Seemingly calm and put together.
Do not let words or façades fool you.
Look within.
Like a volcano ready to blow.
There are many heart felt wishes
waiting to be heard, acknowledged and healed.
There are many sorrows/hurts/injuries that are begging for resolution.
For many, especially males, it is taboo to express feelings by crying. We all have noticed the fun made of public figures for showing their emotions. It is interesting that it is more acceptable for people to show their anger and frustration (be it inappropriately) rather than cry in public.
I personally welcome expressing my grief and joy with tears. When I am open to crying, I know I have less emotional energy blockage (feel more alive). Crying (expressing our emotions) is like a rain that washes our emotional body.
Last week, I re-connected with a friend of mine, William, after 15 months. I had previously found out that his wife of 37 years had passed away due to cancer. When I met him, I awkwardly expressed my regret for his wife passing. We hugged each other and we both cried. Later on he approached me and apologized for making me upset by crying. I told him that it is good to cry and that it is very healing. For me, I was showing my empathy for his loss and also was honoring and celebrating the dedication that two people had for each other for so long. Tears are the best way to express joy and grief at the same time.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to water our garden within with tears of gratitude, grief and joy. If we limit the types of rain in our garden within we will miss many great opportunities for the growth of our trees and plants and may face an artificial drought of our soil (soul). The poem below emphasizes this concept further.
OK to Cry
It is OK to be vulnerable.
It is OK to cry.
It is OK to be a male and cry.
Let your tears flow.
Let your tears wash away your sorrow.
Bring back the shine and warm glow to your heart.
Let your tears flow.
Mourn the loss of your beloved.
Rejoice in the memories of times past.
Let your tears flow.
Do not apologize for crying.
It takes courage to cry.
It takes courage to feel your heart’s longing.
Let your tears flow.
Empty out sorrow and grief with the flow of tears.
Most of us have met people who have had a profound impact on us. I have been blessed to know many people who have brought joy and light into my life. I have always wondered why I have been so fortunate, and how I can honor my relationship with these joyous people.
Little did I know when my friend Joe invited me to lunch several years ago that it would become one of my most favorite activities. I met Joe’s mom, Nadia, who cooked the most wonderful Lebanese food for us. She later read our coffee cups, of which she was very accurate. Nadia was like a butterfly – flitting from person to person, sharing her kindness, and always giving in her caring, loving and gentle way. She reminded me very much of my favorite aunt. Although I could not speak her native language, and did not share the same culture, I felt that I had known her for a very long time.
Last week, Nadia died in her sleep at the age of 73 while visiting friends and family in Lebanon. Upon hearing the news, I was saddened that I will not be able to further interact with her on the earth plane and receive blessings from her joyous light. Even though I was very sad, I felt grateful that she had shown up in my life and I had the opportunity to get to know her. She will be missed by many.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to find ways to honor those “butterflies” that bring joy and love to our garden within. Honoring is not about collecting pictures of butterflies or putting them under glass or on a wall. Honoring is about transforming ourselves into a butterfly that is a source of joy and love to other’s gardens within. The poem below conveys this concept further.
Honoring a Friend
A friend that you admire has left the earth plane.
How do you honor such a person after death?
Honoring a friend is not about wearing dark clothing after her/his death.
Honoring a friend is not about prolonged crying after her/his death.
Honoring a friend is not just about attending service at a
church or mosque or temple after her/his death.
To honor a friend necessitates knowing what
attributes you admire in him/her.
To honor and cherish a friend
is to walk in his/her shoes
by keeping his/her attributes that we admire alive.
To keep the attributes of a friend alive
is to exhibit those admirable attributes in our own lives.
Everyone’s personal journey is unique and sacred. Our personal journey of finding out who we really are and how we are connected to our divinity may go through many twists and turns in life. We may knock on many doors and not find our answer(s). Sometimes, in the midst of our search, we may get discouraged or get frustrated by our slow progress. Sometimes we find our answers in unexpected places.
One major factor in my journey has been my persistence to find answers to my questions. I believe when we put our focus and intention on our heart’s desires, the Universe will provide us support through many means.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, we need to remember to focus on the outcome of having flourishing flowers, trees and fruits in our garden within. It is important that we are persistent in our gardening effort and use our new learned knowledge in creating a more thriving garden within.
The poem below describes my experience of searching, looking and finding my answers.
I Found You
I looked for you everywhere.
I looked for you in the scriptures and books.
I looked for you by performing rituals.
I looked for you in the buildings.
I looked for you in the ground.
I looked for you in my parents.
I looked for you in my mate.
I could not find you.
Where is this illusive being?
It seemed that everyone knew of you, but me.
I gave up looking for you, after so long.
I, then found, you.
I found you in the sky’s night, by your winking at me.
I found you in the flower, by your smell.
I found you in the butterfly, by your dance.
I found you in people, by messages you sent me through them.
Let me share one of my recent experiences during a camping trip.We were hiking on a six mile trail and we took a wrong turn down a canyon with sharp inclines.At the bottom of the canyon, we had to find a way back out to the top.During the process, on several occasions I was stuck on rocks where a slight wrong move would have tumbled me down onto the rocks below with possible injuries.Several times my friend reached his hand out and pulled me up.For him, this act was not a big deal.To me, his help, which lasted 2 seconds, meant a lot to my well being and survival.This episode was a reminder that what we do matters, no matter how small in effort and duration.
Take a minute to think about all the people who have touched your life with a smile, kind words, or maybe not so kind words.Do you think they were aware of their influence on you?Do you think they dismissed their impact on you?I think most people do not realize how they do impact others. We are sometimes so bogged down in everyday affairs that we forget that what we do and say matters.We do not notice our impact on others unless someone brings it to our attention, be it positive or negative.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, every living thing that we touch and care for is impacted by us and vice versa.What we do in our garden within influences our environment.It is important that we do not measure our success only by things that we see with our eyes only.There are many things we influence that we are not aware of.The poem below illustrates this concept further.
Most likely we have raised shields, our means of protection as a child, which we may still be using for our protection. These shields are limiting beliefs that we have internalized based on our experiences and from our parents and society.
At first you may say that this is not true for you and you do not have any shields up. In general, it is easier to see these shields (or other means of protection) in other people. Looking at our own shields requires facing aspects of our own ego or fully feeling our tucked away emotions.
We may get frustrated with our family or friends for not seeing the rigid shields that they have created. To protect themselves, their shields keep them from fully giving and receiving love, feeling connection with the Universe and feeling “negative” emotions. We may also question why they continue to experience the self-inflicted pain and suffering caused by their shields (beliefs).
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to find out what is keeping the trees and flowers in our garden within from thriving. Do we have a large obstacle (shield) to block the sun light (love)? Do we inflict hurt and harm (negative self talk) to our garden by repeating self inflicting damage (self-pity) to our garden within?
How do we find out what types of shields we have put up? Perhaps we can monitor our thoughts and words to investigate our beliefs. Perhaps we can re-evaluate some previous unpleasant outcomes in our lives to understand how subconsciously our beliefs have contributed to their manifestation. Perhaps we can ask our close friends to help identify our shields within us. The poem below highlights this concept.
If we observe our reaction to emptiness, most of us will run away from the feeling. We do not like an empty house or an empty room. We try to fill our days with activities. We fill our heads with problems that may or may not need our attention. We keep filling our hearts with our past traumas, someone else’s issues or hopes of the future.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, it is important to allow emptiness in our soul (soil) so that the roots of the trees and plants in our garden within can be allowed to grow and expand. It is necessary to remember that the growth and creation of roots are achieved due to empty spaces. Emptiness also creates the possibilities of creation and growth.
We are not used to having a mind with empty thoughts. Perhaps that is why it is so difficult to let go of the chatter in our head during meditation: we cannot imagine the nothingness. We may not like to dive into our emptiness within, perhaps due to the fact that we have filled ourselves so full or so often with frozen emotions such as anger and hate that they have become a part of us. Perhaps we have grown too complacent having the emptiness filled with things that we are too comfortable with. The poem below illustrates some forms of emptiness that most people try to run away from.
Dreams are one of the important tools mentioned in Tending to Your Garden Within that you can use to tend to your own garden within. Dreams are an aid to connect with Spirit, or higher Self, and utilize the messages received to know self, and to create a more beautiful garden within.
It is important that we document, understand, and honor our dreams.
Documenting a dream is as simple as writing down our dream as soon as we awaken.
Understanding our dreams may take time at first, until we get familiar with the meanings of the symbols in our dreams. Sometimes, to better understand a dream, I share my dreams in a dream group and listen to the feedback of the other group members who state their interpretation as “if it was their dream”. I then accept those potential meanings that resonate within me.
Honoring a dream is doing something meaningful to acknowledge and thank the Universe for the dream. It could be a reminder by your desk, displaying a picture of a flower that brings back a memory of the dream, or a call to your friend.
I had a dream some time ago which I would like to honor by sharing with you. I believe it has a message for every reader which highlights how our limiting thoughts and beliefs are holding us back in our own prisons.
Prison Guards
The prisoner enters the prison.
He does not know why he is going to prison;
he does not question it.
The entrance door is wide open;
there are no guards.
He thinks
the guards are surely somewhere watching
the entrance and the prisoners.
The prison is very crowded.
Everyone is trying to survive
and not upset the guards.
The prisoner has a good heart
and is helpful to others
in the prison.
The prisoner tries to make the best he can with his situation.
One day …
The prisoner, during a walk around the prison
has a new awareness.
He notices many prison cells with bars.
He notices many prisoners busy in their cells,
their cell door open.
The prisoner still does not see any prison guards.
He walks out of the prison and wanders in the street.
After a while
loud bells signal
it is time to go back to his cell.
Something inside the prisoner’s head tells him:
“Be a good model and go back to your cell,
do not make the guards upset.”
He walks back into the prison.
There are no signs of guards at the prison entrance.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a class titled “Divine Femininity”.My reason for attending the class was to have a better understanding of femininity and how to balance my masculine energy with it.Some of the participants were expecting to see female participants only.It was very interesting to watch their reactions to seeing males in the same group. I could understand their concern – perhaps they were thinking men do not experience some of the same hurtful issues as women; especially if men have been the cause for them to hate or dislike their own feminine side.
During the class, participants started sharing their experiences and gradually the curtain of mistrust was lifted. At the end of the class, everyone was surprised how having both sides (female & male) sharing their experiences provided a much better understanding regarding issues relating to femininity and our perspective on it.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, fruit trees in our garden within may have been injured and hurt due to various traumas (elements).We may assume that the hurt is a reflection of our own defect, or that we are the only one experiencing such hurts.In addition, we may limit our interaction to share and learn with other gardeners based on looks, gender, or by rationalizing that others may not have similar understanding or insights.
The experience of this class was a great reminder for me that we all react to outside events based on our past experiences and hurts.It is sometimes very easy to think we are separated and fundamentally different than others (do not let gender or appearance fool you). This poem summarizes what I learned from this interaction.
I believe that all humans crave to experience unconditional love. We all are conditioned to react to words and acts of love differently, depending on our own childhood and past experiences. Our first experience with love probably was from our parents (with their own notion of love), which we most likely experienced as “conditional love”. Conditional love was most likely used to control our behavior “for our own good”. The concept that we are lovable only if we do something to conform was probably re-enforced by our belief systems on what God expected us to do in order to receive his love. As a result, most likely our notion of what love is, is something we have to do in order to deserve to receive love.
In the context of Tending to Your Garden Within, the flowers and fruit trees in our garden within, irrespective of their color, smell, and size need to receive the same basic care and love from us. One flower may need more sun light and another may need more water or nutrients. The type of care for a flower or a fruit tree may be different, but every plant in our garden within needs to receive the basic needed care to thrive and grow unconditionally.
It is very important that we “unlearn”, or at least question, our concept of love, especially unconditional love. At the same time, we need to be able to recognize unconditional love in our daily life and bring it into our consciousness by experiencing it. Most of us can experience flakes of unconditional love through our pets, which some skeptics say is their means of getting food (I disagree). Some can experience unconditional love through mediation (being open to receiving) or wandering in nature. Perhaps that is why we enjoy being in nature where we can experience the concept of unconditional love freely, from animals, plants, and the elements. The poem below illustrates how we may remember to recognize and integrate unconditional love in our daily life.
To live life fully with joy requires one to know self without the filters of societal conditioning, familial conditioning and one’s ego. These filters block our vision and the truth of who we really are and how we are connected to the Universe. These filters also block us from being in touch with our self and hearing our own inner guidance and voice.
To know self requires being able to recognize and delve into layers of beliefs, frozen emotions, past traumas, and self-limiting thoughts that block seeing who we really are. These layers manifest themselves as weeds and rocks in our “garden within”.
Simply said, our garden within is the truth and understanding of who we are and the potential that we can reach. Tending to our garden within is the process of consciously and continuously being in touch with ourselves.
Due to years of living and not being in touch with our self, our garden within may be filled with weeds, rocks and boulders that do not serve any useful purpose. Weeds in our garden within can manifest as fear, anger, despair, self-doubt, or self-importance. Rocks and boulders in our garden may be our society and family conditioning, trauma, self-pity and beliefs. Rocks in our garden within can also be old patterns that keep repeating themselves and harm us emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.
We also have plants in our garden within which consists of fruit trees, shrubs and flowers. The flowers in our garden within provide us deep joy and gratitude. Shrubs in our garden within anchor us and help us stop the erosion of our soil (soul). The fruit trees in our garden within can provide various fruits to nourish us, and others, physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally.
Flowers in our garden help us to get in touch with our self and remembering how to be present in the now. The flowers in our garden can represent the joy of smelling fresh air in the morning, joy of the mundane, joy of hearing music, joy of experiencing Sun on our skin, joy being appreciated at work, smiles of our children, joy of helping others or joy connecting with a pet.
Fruit trees in our garden represent who we are and who consciously we like to become. The fruit trees in our garden can be our relationships, our career, our use of our gifts and talents, our impact on others, our children, or our health condition. It is important that we have many types of flowers and fruit trees in our garden within to be balanced and more joyful. Shrubs in our garden within can be traditions, customs and ritual that we perform in our daily life.
Watering our garden is one of the major tools of tending to our garden. The water is the source that guides and sustains us. Initially as a child we see our parents as the ultimate source. As we get older our water source may be replaced by our friends, teachers or our mate. Later on in our life we may find the never ending and ultimate source which has many names: Spirit, Universal connection, Inner light, or God.
In order to effectively tend to our garden within, it is necessary to take several steps to re-gain being in touch with self.
The first step is to get help to recognize, acknowledge, and remove major burdensome rocks in our garden within that deprive our soul and body of major nourishment. It is important that we deal with the most burdensome rocks first since they have direct impact on the growth of weeds in our garden.
Next step is to find those gardening tools that will enable us to connect with our true self. Such tools can be meditation, prayers, mirroring, being in nature, intuitive work, dream analysis, or artistic expression. One needs to be open to utilizing any gardening tool, even though that particular tool may not have been of interest in the past.
The final step is removal and maintenance of the weeds, fruit trees, and shrubs in our garden within. The process of removing weeds and maintaining a weed free garden within is a continuous process which will take less time as we become more familiar with it. Trees and shrubs in our garden within also need to be pruned to direct growth direction consistent with our needs and aspirations. We need to be aware, patient, and kind with ourselves during this life long process of maintenance and pruning.
During our personal self-discovery, we sometimes regress back to our old habits and self-talk. The key is to be able to recognize the patterns and forms of weeds in our garden within and take care of them gently and consciously. The following poem is based on several experiences that I had when I regressed back to my old habits and patterns in response to sometimes trivial, but upsetting challenges in my daily life.
You are Hooked Again.
You took the bait!
You are hooked again without realizing how easily you took the bait.
The bait is your distraction from truth.
The bait has hooked your total attention by voices inside your head:
Poor me.
I will always be alone.
It should not be like this.
I am not lovable.
Tomorrow I will be miserable.
Nobody has problems like mine.
Nothing works for me.
The hook is in your heart.
You are not balanced.
You are agitated.
You do not feel connected.
You question your worth.
You feel miserable and do not smile.
You are now focused on hook’s wound.
You are no longer looking at the big picture.
You are in massive turmoil.
Take out the hook gently.
Smile
despite what you perceive aregoing through.
Look at how many things are working for you
not against you.
Question your limiting assumptions.
Take a deep breath.
Get connected again.
The story that was the bait will no longer be attractive.
The story that was the bait will not keep you in a cramped cell.
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