Do you like to be criticized? If not, why not? May be it is due to conclusions you arrive from criticism.
People who have been raised by perfectionist care givers tend not to like criticism and actually are very self-critical. It is a way to protect themselves by beating themselves up with criticism before anyone else does. Being observant and evaluating is a good skill and it needs to be utilized carefully in a loving and realistic manner toward self and others.
Let us assume someone that you care about criticizes you that “you are a very angry person”. This may be a sincere criticism or may be a way for you to be manipulated. The criticism is not the issue. The conclusions you make from the criticism is the problem. Criticism may create a reaction in you. Maybe you believe that angry people are not good people or are weak. Maybe you feel you will be rejected if you are considered weak. May be you feel it is not true. These beliefs may cause you to defend and respond in such a way that is not in your highest good.
What should one do in such a situation? The best thing is to find out the truth and challenge the conclusion you may arrive at.
- Is it true?
- If so, what causes me to become angry? How often?
- What needs are not met that causes me to become angry?
- Am I asking for what I need?
- Is it normal to become angry?
- What is the real concern here?
- Have I made any progress on this issue compared to the past?
- Does becoming angry make me a weak person? Bad person?
- What can I do to express my anger in a more productive way?
It is not easy to hear criticism. It takes practice to become comfortable with being criticized. Listen to the concerns and do not judge yourself.
Being a Human
I am an imperfect human being.
I become angry, sad, depressed, happy and joyful.
I am not any of my feelings.
I am more than my feelings.
At my core I am perfect.
My imperfections are due to my limiting beliefs and conditioning.
Accept being a human being.
Embrace and admit your imperfections.
Move toward your perfection with joy and enthusiasm.
Copyright @2015 by Shervin Hojat