A Forgotten Question

For the past few weeks I had noticed when I took deep breaths, I felt a sense of deep sadness.

I mentioned this situation to a friend and she said that I do not look unhappy. The statement was

Correct. I am outgoing and laugh and joke often when around friends.

Later during meditation I attempted to find out the source of this issue.

It was a very deep sadness that was hiding. It was a sense of betrayal, “how could you have done it to me?”

First attempt was to find out who may have caused this feeling to reside within me.

However, I knew from experience, when one points a finger at a person, three fingers point back to self!

I then realized that sense of betrayal was toward myself!

I wondered how I may have betrayed myself and why?

I realized that sometimes, I have a habit of solely focusing on what others want/need and ignoring listening to what I want and communicating my wishes.

I realized when I do things for others, out of obligation or assumptions, my energy diminishes and over time I become resentful.

The truth is that we can choose what we want and still others benefit from our heart-felt choices. The critical issue is the reasoning for doing anything: out of obligation or choice?

The betrayal occurs due to fears and lack of enough self-care.  We stop listening to our heart and follow our old habits.

As part of healing my self-inflicted wound, the first step was to put sticky notes by my computer and mirror to remember a forgotten question:

What is it that I want?

Copyright @2021 by Shervin Hojat

About Shervin

Author, Teacher, Poet, Engineer
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